Things You Never, Ever Want Your Intelligent Sword To Say

  1. "I think I've got the flu."
  2. "Why should I be worried? I can't die."
  3. "I did tell you I can't kill magic user's didn't I? Oh, well, at least I'm immune to magic."
  4. "Im contacting the IWU" [Intelligent Weapon's Union]
  5. "I'm hungry."
  6. "After this, I'm going to Disneyland!"
  7. "Have you ever wondered if killing is a bad thing?"
  8. "I have a glass hilt."
  9. "I'm scared."
  10. "Make the voices in my hilt go away!"
  11. "I bet this'll hurt you as much as it hurts me."
  12. "Your soul is MINE!"
  13. "My last owner died of a self-influcted sword thrust into the heart."
  14. "Sheathe me so you won't drop me when we run away."
  15. "I thought you knew this was my day off . . ."
  16. "The metal hanging from my cross piece? I completed my first 6 months in AA."
  17. "According to the user's manual, I'm not to be used against anything larger than man-sized. Sorry."
  18. "At least it is going to hurt you more than it hurts me . . ."
  19. "You want me to kill a dragon?! I thought you knew I was just a prop sword."
  20. "We are going to charge into battle now, but first a word from our sponsor . . "
  21. "Don't you dare drop me in this well! I'll get you, you and your little doggie too!"
  22. "You know something? I'd really like to be hammered into a plow."
  23. "You know when I said that I could protect you against Medusa's gaze? I was just kidding."
  24. "Please fill our this questionaire to determine your compatibility to be my owner."
  25. "I kind of thought you knew intelligent weapons could lie . ."
  26. "This battle reminds me of the Charge of the light Brigade."
  27. "Ooops."
  28. "I have to go to the bathroom now."
  29. "Aughh! Kryptonite!"
  30. "I'm melting!"
  31. "Oh, sorry. My name is Excalber, not Excalibur. Can I go back in the lake now?"
  32. "That thing with 80 arms and 40 legs? That's my proper owner, you thief!"
  33. "I'm not leaving this sheathe until you apologise for calling me stupid."
  34. "One million bottles of beer on the wall, one million bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, ninety thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine bottle of beer on the wall . . "
  35. "What am I a sword of again?"
  36. "You remember that pile of ashes that was beside me when you found me? My last owner didn't clean me properly after battles, either."
  37. "I's iz feelin' wine after bein' dropped in dat bucked of ale . . why's dere 3 orcs in front of ush?"
  38. "Look, its a full moon tonight!" (Followed by sound of sword howling)
  39. "You want me to hit that? But it could ruin my sheen and dull me . . ."
  40. "You look really hot tonight, handsome."
  41. "So I'm the only one who sees big pink spiders with skirts on dancing all over the ceiling?"
  42. "I wish I'd never left my scabbard this morning . . ."
  43. "There's only 20 of them? What are you -- chicken? Brawk! Brawk! Brawk! My owner is a scaredy cat!"
  44. "Do I get experience for killing you?"
  45. "WHAT? You want to sneak past that arch-demon around this corner instead of fighting him ot the death? What kind of warrior are you?!"
  46. "I think calling a weapon "cursed" is relative, don't you think?"
  47. "Everyone talks about cursed weapons but no one ever mentions having cursed users."
  48. "I'm the sword of pacifism."
  49. "I'm actually a lycanthropic soup spoon that becomes a sword every full moon. How much did you pay for me again?"
  50. "What do you mean, I'm rust proof and dragon proof- no,wait-- your not!"
  51. "Do I look like a tooth pick to you!!"
  52. "If you don't stop hacking me like a butter knife, I'll sing Barney Songs!!"
  53. " In my last life... i was a butter knife"
  54. "Do we really need to fight them? I mean, couldn't we come to some kind of compromise with them?"
  55. "I'm a Sword of Dancing, I can fight the enemy all by myself, I dont need treasure or money or food . .. Hey, why DO I need you, again?"

The introduction #game1 info odds 'n' Ends Contact Alcar here