<AlcarDM> Emily looks at Matt "After .. the news yesterday, I did some checking. Your boss has done Bounty work. Your organisation can do it legally. I would pay - and well - for them to hurt that .. thing, to kill it!"
<Alexander```> (( IN YOUR DREAMS LADY!!!!!!!!! ))

* Scullery_Boy_Kant flips through the Hero Handbook some more, "Chapter 14.. What To Do When Things Go Wrong.. hmm..."
<Dragon_Alcar> Scullery_Boy_Kant, Refer th chapter 2: "Scream Battle Cry And Charge."
<Dragon_Alcar> Also chapter one: "Draw Your Weapon First."
<Scullery_Boy_Kant> Chapter 3: Picking a Battle Cry
<|337C4Bb4g3> Chapter 1 Intro: (Large bright red letters) DO NOT HOLD THE SWORD BY THE POINTY END!

<Keith`> 16d10+112
<Sparkie> Keith` 16d10+112: 203
<aslhk> wow
<aslhk> that's something you don't want to see the dm roll

<JordanThorn> Question, you have a player who insists on playing a Drow, and plans on trying to buy equipment in the nearest, above ground village, how many ways can you think of to kill him?

<Keith`> chickens are to smart to be kender

<Selnavinus> ((dude, I bet that if we kill him, we could scrounge up enough money for a speak with dead! =P))

* Cedric_Quezada reaches into his backpack and pulls out a 50' cord of silk rope, then binds Corbin's wrists with it.

* Cedric_Quezada takes a break from his whistling. "<Q>By the way. My name is Cedric."
<Selnavinus> "And I am Selnavinus. The Black."
<Selnavinus> "You may have heard of me?" *hopefully*

* Baliadoc would play a Chimera, just to be able to chat with himself :)
<Baliadoc> and have a mediator for heated arguments ;)
<Caltak> be a hydra

*** Sparkie is now known as SparkieBDSM
* Rei-the-not-so-WT-WT shudders
<SparkieBDSM> No, this makes too much sense
*** SparkieBDSM is now known as Sparkie
<Rei-the-not-so-WT-WT> BDSM=BigDiceSmallMandolin ???
<Rei_Jr> (( BigDiceSmallMind :) ))

<AlcarDM> (( Meanwhile, some NPCs begin planning now to make a wall around *this* city j/k ))
<Rei_Jr> (( they can put a huge plastic dome and giant dice in the middle of the city! We'd have Pop-o-matic Trouble! ;P ))
<Rei`Sr> (thats just evil caltak)
<Baliadoc> ((can we draw straws to see which one of us gets to slap him? :))
<Rei`Sr> (sure)

<Rei`Sr> "A strong ware should beable to open the gate i guard."
<Rei`Sr> "It would seal again, shortly after there passing threw the gate as they leave the area"
<AlcarDM> <Adam> "Is it two way?"
<Rei`Sr> "Would think so but why would a ware want to come back from a place where they can live in peace?"
<Rei_Jr> (( it doesnt have pizza :) ))
<AlcarDM> <Adam> "For her son?"

<Dungeon_Master_M> The Sun doesn't kill undead if the DM knows what he is doing
<Jeramias> The DM is supposed to know what he is doing?
<Jeramias> That explains everything!

<Hart```> "So what's happened since I went to sleep? I take it the fight with all those clones went rather well?"
<Natalia``> "Well, We either won or lost. You decide."
<Hart```> "I'm sorry. I don't quite follow."
<Hart```> "And if you've all turned as mystical as that bothersome halfing, i'm going to fireball you all."

* Natalia`` looks at Ton looking at a cow....
<Natalia``> "Mating season?"
<Tontaga> "Huh?"

<Barendd_Rumnahem> Who's Nimih?
<Barendd_Rumnahem> And I'm not much of one for hurting things...
<Natalia``> "An evil paladin who wants to end the world."
<Barendd_Rumnahem> You know the last thing I said? Act like I didn't say it. There are exceptions.
<Natalia``> "Always."

<Ozdin> "You sure Dive in head first when you get into trubble don't you?"
<Natalia``> "you have no idea."

<Dungeon_Master_M> (( Taklinn's Song Revealed the Source of Centaurs, and some 'rather not be known' facts about elven mating habits :P ))
<Dungeon_Master_M> (( Does Sparkie still have that Song in its Quotes ? If So I'll need to look them up after the game ))
<Tontaga> (( its summed up in one easy statement: "Most elvish intercourse generally involves only one elf." ))

<Baliadoc> most of the weird D&D rules come from planescape :)
<Baliadoc> but that's because you can do anything in Planescape, and for the most part, you just die trying it. Unfortunate people get worse :)

* Nicolai`` locks everything back up then, rewires the cameras in working order, and makes his exit
<Alcar> Ok, you avoid the humans with ease and leave without them being any wiser
* Nicolai`` flies to a point well away from the school and his car, pulling off his darksuit along the way. Underneath are some of his normal clothes :)
<Alcar> You/re glad over a mission well accomplished :)
* Nicolai`` even pulls out a flattened Fedora and pops it open, as he heads to his car. And then blows up.
<Alcar> lol

* Baliadoc wonders what he forgot :)
<aslhk> lol
<Alcar> scroll back and check the number of filing cabinets :)
<Baliadoc> oh, i see :)
<Alcar> polymorphs are fun :p
* Baliadoc is fine with it though. I'll just go to the police and say "Yeah, this guy says he saw me snooping around his office late at night. He said he was the cabinet. No, not dressed as one. He was one."

<|337C4Bb4g3> i don't even think we've had a serious combat
<AlcarDM> Serious combat is something to avoid in LoLaD :)
<Baliadoc> if we ever have "serious combat," you can probably kiss at least half of the city goodbye ;)

AlcarDM> oh, yes, Artimus put a lot of sound baffles in his restaurant & has a security service sweep them for bugs weekly. He also has - in additon to the weapon display behind the wine - a sub basement level with bmb shelter and bomb.
<Nicolai``> it comes with a bomb?! what kinda bomb?
<AlcarDM> nuke. Leland doesn't know where his boss got it, but thinks from russia.
<Nicolai``> oh my gentle jesus!!
<AlcarDM> Leland doesn't know what it was for, and given the way his boss acted in the end, he refuses to speculate :)
<Nicolai``> riiiight
* Nicolai`` isn't even sure what to think about that.

<durgan> I think those "facts" are malicious rumors made by people that don't think that a child-eating big purple dinosaur with a terrible voice that sings to children and causes them to stare blankly at a television set for hours on end is bad enough.
<Rene`-> he didn't sexually molest the kid! he was just trying to eat them! Wait.. that isn't much better, is it?

<AlcarDM> Gnome: "You want a flying golem .... to defend people from boxes."
<Mors`^> "YEah.. well, not exactly boxes.. I think Mercer called them... Tie fighters once.. but I'm not sure.."
<Mors`^> "The things that blew up the city."
<AlcarDM> The gnome nods slowly "Could be done, could be done. I don't see what formal wear has to do with blowing up cities."

<Maranda`-`> "Sure sure, rather stick your nose in a book then ask me, well have it your way"
<Mercer```> "The last time I asked you, I got a relatively unsatisfactory answer. I believe it was somewhere along the lines of jumping on me and trying to make love with me."

<AlcarDM> The ... thing .. in the circle speaks again, the words sounding like ants on fire running through your brains. The words change, become understandable, "Who Speaks The Words Of Summoning?" The floor smokes a bit, the signs Mercer drew cracking with odd arcane lights
<Mercer```> ((oh wait... this doesn't get me the virgins? This book is so confusing. oh, it's the chapter after things that devour your brain.))

<Mercer```> did I summon up some weenie Elder God? oh blah. I want big HP's!

<Mors`^> but telling darth vader to 'suck it' just doesn't sound like obi-wan
<Rene`-> well you know he's been thinking it.
<Darth_Splattered> oh c'mon. he's old and senile. the force is with him, just in strange ways ;)
<Mors`^> "Use the force! oh yeah, that's the way I like it."
<Rene`-> is it the force that makes you old and senile, or being old and senile that makes you so powerful in the force? :P
<AlcarDM> "The Force is with me! Augh! Bowel movement! Why can't it leave me alone?"
<Baliadoc> i think senility makes you more powerful. i mean, look at Yoda, the crazy bastard

* AlcarDM always thoughtt Yoda was some guy in a costume with makeup. He was 900? Wow.
<Rene`-> It's a shame more muppets don't follow the path of the Jedi :)
<Baliadoc> like i said, he's the future Kermit
<Maranda``> yah i would have loved to have seen Animal as a jedi

<Sintaqx> reading the material is a prerequisite to playing

* Baliadoc could eradicate D&D if the Kings and Emporers just happily divided their power amongst everyone and treated everyone equally
<Baliadoc> Hey! We're all happy, and have lots of money! Let's not go adventure!
<Alcar> Baliadoc -and share it with the orcs and goblins and..
<Baliadoc> yeah! invite everyone in!
<Baliadoc> hi mr. beholder. Whoa! Watch that eye of death. You know how you get when you've had too many martinis! *much laughing, carousing*

<Alcar> nose ring of speed, you sneese ... there is an explosion where your nose is. or was.
* Alcar thinks thats ahorrible mental picture
<Jeramias> yeah, it is awful :)

<Warner> you want a good fantasy movie just take starwars a new hope and edit out all the high tech stuff :)

<Warner> hehe always fun to blur the line between sci fi and fantacy. :)
* Alcar does that with a Western movie :P
<Alcar> The Paladin rode into town and into the tav.... uh ..... hmm ..... ok.
<Alcar> The Paladin rode into town, into the tavern, and saw the pretty girl being beat up and killed everyone in the town,,
<Alcar> and her, for public nudity.
* Alcar needs a new plot
<Warner> Osama Bin Paladin, rides into town and kills the pretty girl for letting her ankles show :)

<Alcar> Then along came the 2 strangers dressed in black, sweltering in the hot desert sun. No one knew why they'd want to wear black, but no one questioned it... because they were the Men In Black
<Alcar> now that would be a fun setting :p
<aslhk> everyone assumed they were mourning the death of their social life
<aslhk> they had a very liberal view of 'death' =P

*** Nate|12 has joined #game1
<|337C4Bb4g3> sucking out people's life energy with evil shadow tentacles thingies is just too cool to pass up ;b
<Alcar> Hello Nate|12. Welcome to #game1. Don't be alarmed at |337C4Bb4g3's comment. That's normal here.
<|337C4Bb4g3> Hey, I only do it once a week

<Tech-Sensei> my char is our party's tactician, because i've memorized monster manual and DMG, so i know what will work. He shows us a picture of what we're fighting, i turn to group, and rattlee of what it can/can't do.
<Tech-Sensei> skill : Knowledge : monster manual
<Tech-Sensei> this skill refers to the studying of an extradimensional tome that lists the abilities of all the creatures in the realms using numbers to list their capacity.

* Alexander``` scrutinizes Kandi`^ closely.
* Kandi`^ wonders what scrutinizes is...
* Kandi`^ sues alex for sexual harrasment

<Kandi`^> "Alright.. the vampires.."
* Kandi`^ gets a glass of water and sets it on the table
<Kandi`^> "cut yourself and put your blood in this glass."
* Kandi`^ waves her hand over it and says some holy words and such
<Alexander```> (( any visible magic? ))
<Alexander```> (( or did the whole artimus thing push her over the edge? ;b ))
<MattJohnson> ((Lol! BLOOD WATER! The Newest Craze!))
<Alexander```> (( *wince* ))
<MattJohnson> ((hurry up and get me out of here! I need to get back to making my blood water!))

<MattJohnson> ((we could buy some shapeshifter litmus paper))

<AlcarDM> At the grocery store the clerk looks at Rei Sr oddly for buying that much beef jerky. You take Jr in?
<Rei_Jr> (( well at least Vaj isnt driving ))
<Rei_Sr> (yah i'll take Jr in)
<AlcarDM> Ok, a sign outside the entrance says "Human forms only." in bright red letters
<Rei_Jr> (( meanie! ))
<AlcarDM> A man in a security uniform - with gun - comes over and says to the 2 of you that weres must be in human form. Its more hygenic.
<Alexander```> (( 'werenet' the hair-net for were fast-food employees ))

<AlcarDM> The guard yells "Get away from that mango!" to Rei Jr in a loud shot. Some people scream and drop to the ground at the tone of voice :)
<Rei_Jr> (( I hope that was meant to read "Shout" :) ))
<AlcarDM> shout :p
* Rei_Sr goes over to Rei Jr and picks him up seeing to it he doesn't touch the mango

<Trevor`-> "If you'd tell me what you suspected me to be, maybe I could tell you if I really was or not."
<Kandi`^> "An elementalist.."
<Kandi`^> "Are you?"
<Trevor`-> "That is better than what I thought that you were going to accuse me of being." *smiles
<Trevor`-> "Yes, I am."
<Kandi`^> "Great.. so.. do you cast spells often?"
<AlcarDM> Trevor wonders if this is some odd dating service? :p
<\\`arner> ((kandi that sounds so much like a pick up line :))
<AlcarDM> (( "So you cast spells often. What say we make some potions. Your lab or mine?" ))

<Kandi`^> "What makes you evil?"
<AlcarDM> Nicoai: "My charming personality? How should I know?"
<Kandi`^> "Well, most people normally know wheather they're good or bad... have you done anything bad lately?"
<AlcarDM> Nicolai: "Besides buying this place? No."
<Kandi`^> "Why would buying this place make you evil?"
<AlcarDM> Nic: "Artimus owned it."
<Kandi`^> "So buying it makes you evil?"
<AlcarDM> Nic: "It must have bad vibes."

<Rei_Jr> (( "I'm not a dopple! Look, I can change into other people! Er... wait, that's something they do do... um, forget I said that." :) ))

<Alexander```> Evil?
<Alexander```> Who decides what 'Evil' is?
<Kandi`^> "God?"
<Alexander```> Oh wonderful.
<Alexander```> So why don't we just have a good old-fashioned stake-burning!
<Kandi`^> "Why not?"
<Alexander```> Because burning people alive is 'evil?'
<Trevor`-> "Because there is no point to random killings based on falsified accusitions."

<Kandi`^> "I told you, I saw an evil aura around you two, all I want to know is, why do you have the aura?"
<Alexander```> Dealing with depraved religious fanatics was NOT part of the job I accepted.
<Alexander```> You accuse us of being 'evil' and yet you apparently wouldn't hesitate to brutally murder someone because of your estimation of their moral stature.

<AlcarDM> exp: 4200 each. Tho I'm not sure why since the party doesn't really exist now :p
<Alcar> We've got pcs who want to burn other pcs at the stake, pcs who can't join the party without beign assumed to be dopplegangers and pcs driving accross the country to a town that doesn't exist.
<Alcar> 3 cheers for party cohesiveness!

<|337C4Bb4g3> ghouls are apparently either very sexy, or they have great personalities
<|337C4Bb4g3> "He's very nice once you get to know him!"
<Jeramias> To other ghouls, of course :)
<|337C4Bb4g3> i dunno
<|337C4Bb4g3> 16 charisma is pretty up there
<|337C4Bb4g3> and they sure as hell aren't good looking ;b
<Alcar> its the paralysing touch
<Alcar> Ghoul bard: "Stay here for this song." *touch* "Oh, they want to!"
<Jeramias> That's just your opinion. Heck, maybe the book was written by a necrophiliac
<Alcar> their charisma is a self delusion :p

<Tech-Sensei> hey i'm collecting ideas for ar unning gag in our campaign
<Tech-Sensei> due to a series of misunderstandings, we got the idea that there is a +6 cloak of charisma up the anus of any great wyvrn red dragon. The catch is that if the dragon dies before the cloak is removed, the cloak burns up. Thus we're developign methods of extracting it.
<Tech-Sensei> So far we've got "cast grease, fly, and anus breathing on our kender and send her diving" and "cover a guy in dragon laxatives and have him get eaten" or poison the dragon to make him constipated and pose as draconic proctologists
<Tech-Sensei> any ideas?
<Ashi> uh .... find the cloak somewhere else?
<Tech-Sensei> blah at least it's not 2nd edition. then we were debating if opening a dragon's anus was a strength check or a bend bars roll.
* Cedric_Quezada would just leave the cloak, as the stench and poor appearance of being covered in dragon shit pretty much negates the +6 charisma anyway

<Zacharel> "Don't be mad or anything... here, how about this, if we find a lot of clearly evil things, we can make a time of killing them messily. How's that sound?"
<Ashi> Sword: "Good!"
* Zacharel nods, smiling. "Allright then. We'll make a date of it. I'll be sure to be on the lookout for anything that fits that description from here on in. Ok?"
<Zacharel> "Just let me decide what's defined as 'clearly evil,' allright?"
<Ashi> Sword: "Does it include hula dancers?"
<Zacharel> "Um... well, not all of them. It would actually depend on the individual dancer, I think."
<Ashi> Sword: "Good! I like them."
* Zacharel nods. "Most people do."

<Zacharel> "Speaking of people, since you can do anything, you ever thought about turning yourself into a person for a while? To try it out."
<Ashi> Sword: "I did, once. It was dull. People kept running around me and asking me to do things. I left that world after they called me a king but never gave me a throne."
<Zacharel> "Well you shouldnt let anyone know about what you can do then. That way they wouldn't ask you to do things. AS for being dull, being a person can actually be pretty intereting, really."
<Ashi> Sword: "You try being told to sing a stupid song about jails rocking or hound dogs all the time and se how YOU like it!"
<Ashi> Sword: "King of rocks, hah!"
<Gabriel``> if i weren't so dumbfounded, i'd laugh at that :)

<Ashi> The baby wakes up, recalls the money its mom was told about for killing someone like, and stabs him with its soother!

<TheScribe> "A wise warrior fights with both a weapon and intellect" "An even wiser warrior fights with a shield as well"
<PEa> what about armour? :)

*** _Leon^ Quit (Quit: We like to talk big. I'm going to destroy the world. That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here)

<aslhk> D&D is about blowing things up :)
<aslhk> it's the action movie of rpgs =P

<Alexander```> (( I think a good title for this session would be, "Thank god for shield" ))
<Alexander```> (( biyatch prolly thinks he can't even touch me ;b ))
<Alexander```> (( It's boost your AC, makes combat a breeze, and makes your opponents yield... improves your ref save, keeps you out of the grave, it's shield shield shield... It's shieeeeeeld it's shieeeeeeeeld.... ok, enough of that ))

<Alexander```> Do you have any idea as to the purpose of your learning about humans?
<AlcarDM> It: "To explore new lands and civlisations. To boldly learn new thnigs I never knew before."
<Alexander```> (( NOOOOOOOO the trekkies are plotting world domination! ))
<Alexander```> (( Alex: To boldly learn is a split infinitive. That's poor grammar! j/k ;b ))

<Alexander```> So, you have been coerced into working for these things, and given nothing in return. You have been used. You have been put into life-threatening situations, and given no support when you most sorely needed it...
<Alexander```> How does that make you feel?
<AlcarDM> (( "It's beause of my mother.." ))
<AlcarDM> it: "Feel?" it looks startled, then tries that. After a few moments, it says "I don't like that."
<Alexander```> (( damn, ok, looks like the thing has a chance to live after all ;b ))
<Alexander```> (( *mental note to self: Don't talk to dinner* ))

* Baliadoc is really quite scared that he's the party's brute force, being a rogue and all :)

<Alexander```> (( Simon = Mr. I Make Weres Look Wussy ))
<Rei_Jr> (( as opposed to the other SImon who = Mr. I Make Weres Look 'Sensitive' :P ))

<Nicolai`> "Oh, did you find something out about that Ventura ltd?"
<Alexander```> Not much, but I got their number, and found out that they AREN'T funding a secret project called 'Project-S', because said project assuredly does not exist.
<Nicolai`> "Oh? How do you know it doesn't exist?"
<Alexander```> We should start some very discrete inquiries into the matter.
<Alexander```> I was being facetious.
<Alexander```> (( damn, first time alex makes a joke and you miss it ))

<AlcarDM> <Adam> "At the very least. You should have blowm the hotel up also. For versilmitude."
<Alexander```> Hm, but if they were operating under the assumption that we were artimus friends, then wouldn't they assume that we are all utter imbiciles?
<Alexander```> (( *Blows up the hotel and leaves a note saying: This is for artimus, you bastards!* ))
* MattJohnson laughs
<MattJohnson> "Perhaps, but that's hardly a bad thing."

<Nicolai`> ((oh pshaw. I'm saving the nuke for the real threat. Faline.))

* Rei_Jr gets up to go find the bathroom
* Rei_Sr looks at Jr "here i'll go with you" gets up and goes with him to see to it the towlet doesn't eat him
<Rei_Jr> (( *SMASH* *SHATTER* *walks out, mostly soaked* "It tried to swallow my foot, so I had to kill it." ))

<AlcarDM> Ok, Nicolai finds various guns and ammunitions, from about the 17th century and up. Artimus seems to have been quite a collector. They're all in working order, as is the gattling gun, tlamethrowers and grenade launchers. You don't find any protective stuff like armour or Kelvar though, because Artimus learned his equipment buying ideas from ther WOTC philosophy.
<Nicolai`> ((i am not going dusk til dawn on these guys ;))
<Nicolai`> "Sweet baby Jesus. I didn't think one man could use all this stuff."

<Nicolai`> "Hello, what's this?"
* Nicolai` pops open another hidden door, which is in the already mostly hidden basement
* Nicolai` shouts from waaaay down below
<Nicolai`> "Who on God's green Earth owns tanks beside the military!?"
<Alexander```> (( he has tanks, too ?! ))
<AlcarDM> <Adam> "tanks?!"
<MattJohnson> "Wow."
<Nicolai`> "My God! There's a missle rack on this Jeep!"
<Nicolai`> "Should I mention the toxins?"

<Alexander```> How did he manage to survive with all of this?
<Nicolai`> "How did he manage to survive? He could wage war against the US and stand a good chance of winning, and you wonder how he survived?"
<Alexander```> That would require him to have both the intelligence and the skills to acquire an army, and use his armaments wisely.
<Nicolai`> "Let's see, three tanks, the jeep, the toxins, grenade launchers, flame throwers, all types of ammunition, and weapons for said ammunition

<Alexander```> Does he have silencers for the small arms?
<Nicolai`> "Yeah, I'm sure there are. I got to scared to check thoroughly."
<AlcarDM> (( Artimus .. silencers .. .somehow, I don't see that. ))
<Alexander```> (( same here ;b ))
<Alexander```> (( he prolly doesn't even have a single weapon that doesn't produce at least 110 decibels of noise ;b ))
<Nicolai`> ((wait a tick, these aren't bullets... they're miniature nukes!!))
<Nicolai`> ((and these grenades... nukes!!))

<Alexander```> Do you think they would be willing to call it even for what happened to Artimus?
<MattJohnson> "How about: 'We arrived too late for your friend. Beware of Artimus. Contact us at...'"
<AlcarDM> <Adam> "The cult of artimus?"
<MattJohnson> "It'll really make them wonder."
<AlcarDM> <Adam> "I gues so"
<MattJohnson> "it's not everyone that can survive being distngrted, after all."

<Alexander```> Something tells me that we will have quite some time to work on this.
<Alexander```> It doesn't seem as if they are moving in any hurry.
<Alexander```> World domination doesn't happen overnight.
<Nicolai`> "Revenge does."

<Jeramias> What ever happened to the good old days of just bashing orcs and goblins along with cramming in as much sex as possible? Sheesh, where is the fun in having a deep, well defined character? Bring on the S&M!

<Jeramias> I'm not quoting anyone. This is all coming from my head because I'm a strong believer in highschool style roleplaying. My definition of "mature" roleplaying is playing characters over 35 that don't have the vitality to have constant sex.

<Kimmey> if pc's wern't soupposed to be killed, then why do they have hp, and spells like raise dead?

<Kimmey`> Raven, thereis a Sid, and 10 other drow ina circle 5 feet infront of you. go.>>
<RatMonkee> << are they are dead yet?>>
<Kimmey`> <<there is also a troll trying to start a forrest fire.>>

<Alcar> You enter the cavern and see 5 orcs, hiding udner a makeshift table in a room strewn with orc bodies, blood and broken stuff. The smell of fire hangs in the air. Orc1 "Please, please don't kill us! The last adventurerss who came through killed my family just because we were orcs! Show mercy!"
* Alcar finds that if d&d is going to be so anally obsessive about dungeons and spells that work in them, I should run an adventure in one just for the heck of it
<aslhk> you'd need the right adventurers to make it truly humorous
<Alcar> True. Like which?
<aslhk> the ones that would go right ahead and kill them while making a comment about how they're being wonderful and ridding the world of evil and whatnot
<aslhk> and the sorcerer that casts fireball into an enclosed area
<aslhk> that sort of thing =P

<Alcar> Could have the players play a group of orcs and whatnot trying to survive against evil bands of so-called good people coming into their homes to kill them all and steal their gold
<Belgarion_of_Riva> The Anti-Dungeon.
<Belgarion_of_Riva> You are the bad guys.
<Alcar> Who said anything about bad guys :)
<Alcar> They're just the inhabitants. Its their home and these psychopaths want to kill them all and steal their money. That would make ME act evil

<Alcar> "When you were a child, did your mother tell you a story about a girl who met a stranger who lied to her and killed her family ruthlessly by eating them all?"
* Faline` raises an eyebrow. "Not that I rrecall, no."
<Alcar> Man: "So you never heard of little red riding hood?" He smiles, without humour in it. "All children get told tales of evil, and death, about evil monsters that will come and kill them. It's called childhood innocence. Why did you choose to lie to him instead?"
<Faline`> "Mostly because it was about me. When a child thinks a monsterr is in the closet, who do they go to? Theirr parrents. I wasn't surre how he'd handle having a maneaterr as a motherr, and I was hoping it wouldn't come up."

<MechaBlue> Know what the recommended experience for disobeying an order is?
<MechaBlue> It's something along the lines of minus a few thousand XP and a demotion
<Kimmey> 1 shot from a field reflex cannon.

<PseudoDragon> heh....time travel backa few years..the game converts from 3e to very first DND
<PseudoDragon> the HORROR

<MechaBlue> Where there is a munchkin, there is a way
<MechaBlue> And the more difficult it is to kill, the easier it is to torture

<AlexanderAway-Summoning> (( if stupidity was evil, then kandi would have been permanently blinded the first time she saw art ;b ))

* Nicolai`` is going to that medium he used, and vows not to miss any games again, seeing as it gets him into things LIKE THIS!

<MattJohnson> "Five people are dead already."
<AlcarDM> Madame Zel: "People die every second. About 2.3, lasrt I heard."
<Nicolai``> "Well, let's just say that they died because of that recipe you got me."
<AlexanderAway-Summoning> (( and you might be next! ))
<AlexanderAway-Summoning> (( say it! ))
<AlexanderAway-Summoning> (( you know you want to =) ))
<MattJohnson> "And, if that is indeed the case, you might be next."
<AlcarDM> Madale Zel looks at Nicolai for a long moment ... "Pardon?"

<Baliadoc> wow... i need to spend xp on vampire powers... i'm leveling up way too much :)
<|337C4Bb4g3> i have only spent like 8 or 9k so far

<dieter`-> /me is big. Very Big. He stands roughly 6'8" tall, and looks, to tell you the truth, rather dumb. His clothes don't really fit, he smells bad, and his clothes don't match. To make up for this apparent lack in social grace, he has a large greatsword strapped to his back. Not too many people comment on his clothing, though. His shirt is engraved with the name 'dieter.'
<Chaos`^> (( ROFL dieter the dumb.. 'it seems everyone knows my name.. I wonder why..' dieter drops his nametag and replaces it on his shirt 'can't lose this' ))
<Querdie> (( need to finish that ;b ))
<dieter`-> ((he can't read :))
<Chaos`^> (( rofl ))

* dieter`- is tempted to have his pc "follow the rising sun" all through the way and walk around in circles =P

* Urt walks outside the cave and takes a few breaths, getting himself used to the scents of the area and pockets some mushrooms for later
<Chaos`^> urt smells tarasque, titans and greater evil gods about...
* Urt should point out his pc does have a 40' limit on his stuff, so the tarrasque and friends are really crowded :p
<Chaos`^> shh! you'll scare them away!

<Querdie> (( actually, i can have a 120' base move with expeditious retreat, i figure i could outrun a tarrasque ;b ))
<Querdie> (( not that I want to test that theory or anything ))

<Chaos`^> (( low on funds!? normal work gets you a gp a day! ))
<Chaos`^> (( that's if you're a hard worker! ))
<dieter`-> ((we do "special work" :))
<Querdie> (( not for mighty adventurers! ))
<dieter`-> ((it involves looting the people that make fun of our names =P))
<dieter`-> ((besides, I need a lot of money to change the drinking supply of a town into love potion!))
<Chaos`^> (( oh lord.. ))
* dieter`- thinks maybe if people loved each other, they wouldn't be so mean about his name.
* dieter`- could live there and be happy!

<Querdie> "Here!"
* Querdie tosses the robe to Urt.
<Chaos`^> the robe is wet, but it smells downy fresh.. er.. it's just wet, and has no real scent to it, lol ;)
<Querdie> You might wanna put that on before we head into town, and cover up your face a bit...
<Querdie> It's a robe
<Urt> "Something is wrong with my face?"
<Querdie> Well, you have no eyes, and look like you came out on the wrong end of a few hundred battles... no offense.
<Querdie> Some people might not like that, and I've been chased... er... have left many towns rapidly after sparing masses of angered villagers with pitchforks and such from a grisly death... to know that that could be a bad thing
<dieter`-> indeed
<dieter`-> We have much experience with this sort of thing.
* Urt nods slowly "I see." He sounds puzzled. "And I thought they chased me for eating their children..." Shakes his head, figuring he'll never understand this civilisation businessm and puts the robe on

<Ashi> "I am trying to help create a world at least worth being reborn in, not the kind of world that we're creating now. There is nothing to like about it. It is .. a duty."
<Lina`^> "So is taking a shit, but odly enough, some people find joy in it..."

<Lina`^> "That's the problem with wisdom.. it's free to interpritation."
<Ashi> "Sometimes." *she shrugs*
<Lina`^> "Take it as you will.. but if we're going to save the world together, you're going to have to laugh more."

<Caltak> a half-celestial who is the bastard rape child of a goddess who has a sword that can do anything but is a major procrastinator and used to be Elvis doesn't really need a unicorn mount who wants to keep him from having sex :)

* Rei_Jr stands up with his arms wrapped around himself protectively. "I want my mommy..."
<Alexander_Summoning___stuff> (( noooooooo! ))
<Alexander_Summoning___stuff> (( *finds a fallout shelter* ))

<AlcarDM> A sound, like the cars horm, but lower, fills the air. It reminds tou of bagpipes. But worse. It begins moving towars Trevor slowly, still "sniffing"
<AlcarDM> It rolls closer to Trevor, the smell of leather upholstry filling the air as it sweats
<Kandi`^> (( is a car female if it has twin airbags? ))
<Rei_Jr> (( check the muffler :P ))

<Trevor`-> "Whoever did it... were they trying to make us happy, or were they trying to catch us prone?"
<AlcarDM> <Adam> "Is being menaced by homicidal cars you're idea of happy?"
<Trevor`-> "I didn't see them as a menace until YOU started a fight."
<AlcarDM> <Adam> "Wait, if it is .. I don't want to know."
<AlcarDM> <Adam> "So you wanted to have sex with them instead?"
<Kandi`^> "Both of you, shut up, let's go."
<Trevor`-> "No. Of course not."

<Alexander_Summoning___stuff> artimus must die
<MattJohnson> he already did
<Alexander_Summoning___stuff> again, if need be

<Trevor`-> (( Hahaha, there really should be a pants vending machine in the bathroom for when the vampires try to eat the human patrons :) ))

<Kandi`^> heh.. glow in the dark pants...
<Rei_Jr> or it could sell adult diapers :)
<Rei_Jr> you know, they should start advertising this place as a family restaurant :P
<Kandi`^> 'Nicolai's fine familly dining. Perfect for constipation.'
<Kandi`^> 'no cemical additives, and no cramps. (nicolais is not responsible for scrapes, large gashes or bite marks.)"
<Rei_Jr> call it "Fiendlie's" and caim its a typo :)

<AlcarDM> he blinks, then vanishes as you suck him out of reality :p
<Alexander```> grab him with my shadow tendrils and drain him dry ;b
<Alexander```> spot can have some too ;b
<Alexander```> i'm just a nice generous guy like that
<Alexander```> human, the other, other white meat

<MattJohnson> "Speaking from a military standpoint, splitting your forces is a very foolish thing to do."
<MattJohnson> "Half of us are not half as powerful as all of us together--our power is greatly decreased when we seperate."
<MattJohnson> "It would be much easier for him to kill half of us twice than all of us once is what i'm getting at."

<Kimmey> so next time, I'm playing a pallidin. The hell with thinking, I'm just going to be nice.

* Gabriel``` checks the daggers for poison
<Ashi> You lick one and....
<Ashi> They look normal.
<Gabriel```> lick? don't be silly. i stab myself. duh :P

<|337C4Bb4g3> we walk up to her, see her in the bottom of a 10' deep pit
<|337C4Bb4g3> dieter is like: "You dig fast!"
<aslhk> dieter is very logical. it didn't occur to him that someone would hang out at the bottom of a ten foot pit instead of just climbing out
<aslhk> so he figured she dug it =P

<Chaos`^> (( Cecil is off doing presentations on dragons and common myths... Most of his classes fall asleep... I wonder why.. ))

<Chaos`^> so.. simon will never enjoy the work of picaso?
<Alcar> nope. Tho to him all paintings look like picasso :p
<Chaos`^> maybe he'll ba a famous painter one day then =p
<Alcar> "Wow, this is lovely ..such an awesome look into the mind of Faline."
<Alcar> Simon: "It is? I thouht i was drawing a sea shore."
<Chaos`^> he can paing his paws and prance on the canvas.. those go well =p
* Chaos`^ wonders what the mind of faline looks like =p
<Alcar> Jaws 3

*** Plush_Cthulhu Quit (Quit: Hastur la vista)

<Chaos`^> You find the woman in the bottom of a pit...
<Dieter```> "Wow, you dig quickly!"
<Querdie> (( how deep is the pit? ))
<Chaos`^> "What!? I fell down here!"
<Chaos`^> about 10 feet
<Dieter```> "Oh, why?"

<Dieter```> "Was it the puzzle? I hope you weren't concentrating so hard on my puzzle that you didn't see the pit!"
<Chaos`^> "I didn't see the pit, because it was hidden!"
* Dieter``` glances down
<Dieter```> It doesn't look hidden."
<Chaos`^> "Well it was!"

<Querdie> Maybe we were teleported in time, as well as space!
<Querdie> Perhaps we are in the distant past!
<Querdie> That would explain the lack of civilization
<Dieter```> "Do you think I could meet my father? I'd really like to meet him. I have some advice for him."
<Querdie> And civility, as modern ettiquette was invented in the year 473 Q.L.N., as any educated man knows!
<Querdie> Which would explain this woman's exceedingly rude behavior!

<Alcar> D&D is like monopoly except boardwalk is really a castle, park place a forest, and jail = a dungeon. Also, you only pass go a second time with magical aid.
<Sintaqx> and there are more than 2 dice
<Sintaqx> and you are required to use *gasp* creativity and *another gasp* imagination
<Alcar> you are in monopoly too! At least, in determining how much money to flitch from the bank :p
<Sintaqx> I'll start a fire on Park Place, send my car-bomb to go-to-jail, a hit squad to the community chest and use the diversion to snag all the 500's from the bank

<Danric> "I saw where we were headed. Rei did us a favor by sending you all to the Winterlands, since it bought us time. I've been working to get you all accepted when you finally returned, and it's finally paid off. Weres are, basically, equal now. And unfeared. It took a lot of work, but we're our own people again."
<Simon```> "Oh. So I supposse everyone loves us and we have our own TV shows and humans don't fear us?" almost sarcastically
<Danric> "It's better than it used to be. We can all live together now, at least."
<Danric> "And trust me, never give a mockingbird his own game show. Talk about bad publicity."

<Faline`> "Salem, dearr, as much as I apprreciate any help I can get... I'd rreally prreferr if you didn't help."
* Salem_ looks at her, with stone cold eyes " i am sorry dear. .you has just as much choice as i do.. none at all.
* Faline` sighs and seems to have that familiar old migraine coming on :)
<Salem_> can't fight the fates.., they have a mean left hook
* Faline` mutters something about termites and spinning wheels :)

<Salem_> all of us.. has something tied together.., like it or not...
* Salem_ reaches up and slits the fabric of reality, you can hear it scream in your minds.. and steps into the wound.. " untill paths cross again.. i am watching" and she is gone..
<Simon```> Janet: "Wow."
* Faline` sighs in releif
<Simon```> Janet: "Is she your guardian angel?"
<Faline`> "I surre hope not."

<AlcarDM> Senton it turns out, has arrived at the village/city. he has no idea where he's been before then but his hind end is sore and he has a strange mark branded on his left hind leg. Oh, yes, and a fear of bright lights in the sky.
<SeNToN> (( i don;t even really want to know ))
<Rene`-> (( AHH! NOO! THEY'RE BACK! oh, wait... just the sun. ))

<durgan> "Um, truth to tell, but don't let this out, please! The love potion is for me!"
<durgan> "Oh, what do you need?"
<Mors`^> "Oh.. well.. Then let's start.. go find me... some Aloe, a mint leaf, a lemon, and an orange.. I also need one unopened coaconut."
<durgan> "That's all?"
<Mors`^> "No, that's your first trip.."
<Mors`^> "I think you should go for the ingredients before you forget."
<durgan> "I suppose I'll just buy her some flowers or soemthing."
<Mors`^> dammit, I was going to make a pina-colada
<durgan> bastard =P

<Keith`> of corse then you have to deal with the dark task of killing the host body for the soul every oh 100 years or so, but if your a god thats masterred time your immortal any way (or can be with enought exp spent on the right magic item)

<Kimmey> <<He is still walking away, unarmed.>>
<RavenDarkmoore> ((unarmed hell hes a wizzard))

<Ike> "Can I be a titan?" "No. They're too big and far too powerful." "Well can I be a half-titan?" "Yeah, but you have to be half-roach as well."

<StarShade> What's wrong with dropping Bubonic Plague onto Faerun?

<Dalener> "you open the door, my prize NPC stands there" *heated battle, your character wins fair and square* "No, that can't be, he comes back and kills you!"

* mattjohnson sees that the people who fainted are attended to, and then addresses the room. ((why not? =P))
<AlcarDM> Many of the people begin leaving quickly, heading out into the city to kill Artimus - if it is him - and collect the reward.
<AlcarDM> Ahout 3/4 of the crowd is still in here, making plans or just gossipping.
* mattjohnson ahems
<mattjohnson> "If any of you see those who just left, you might want to tell them not to be so eager about this."
<Kandi`^> (( Oh! use enthrall and convince them dragons live in the world.. that alwase goes over well... ))

* mattjohnson gives the number
<AlcarDM> A few people write it down. Most of the NPCs depart, headed off to certain doom :p
<mattjohnson> "Should you decide to do this on your own *shrugs* well, you'll be on your own =P"
<Sin{Away}> ((Isn't it amazing that nobody can tell you exactly where certain doom lies, but you can get there anyway? Maybe that is why men figure they don't need to ask directions :) )

<AlcarDM> The DM is shocked ..the players are actually running away from a threat ....
* AlcarDM didn't count on that :p
<Alexander```> (( well, come on now, i'm playing a char who is 170 years old and has a 16 int! ))
<mattjohnson> ((we aren't running away, we're erm, letting those better qualified than us handle the problem))
<mattjohnson> ((besides, if all of the 80 billion people the master vampire has enlisted recently can't handle artimus, I don't think we can either =P))
<Alexander```> (( *I'm* running away ))

<AlcarDM> Valentine: "Well, there is one creature that could kill even Artimus...."
<mattjohnson> "Oh?"
<AlcarDM> Valentine: "Doesn't matter, he can't be hired. Not after the dragon incident."
<Kandi`^> (( aww damn.. who is it? ;))
<Kandi`^> (( Oh! Zorro! ))
<Kandi`^> (( ask about the dragon incident.. ask ask!! ))
<mattjohnson> "The dragon incident?"
<mattjohnson> ((fine =P))
<AlcarDM> Valentine: "Well, there are no more dragons, for the most part. He's the reason."
<Kandi`^> (( Uh-oh... ))
<Kandi`^> (( Don't do it! I know who it is! ))

<Nicolai```> ((now then, what are we running from?))
<Alexander```> (( artimus ))
<Alexander```> (( bet you never thought you'd hear that, eh? ;b ))
<Nicolai```> ((In that case, as my new power i'm buying dashing good looks, witty reparte, and a lot of guns :))

<Kandi`^> I have 5600 exp to spend, and no more powers to spend them on.. any suggestions?
<AlcarDM> life insurance? :)
<Kandi`^> what comes with it? ;)
<AlcarDM> protection from Sparkie? :p
<Kandi`^> Does it have an umbrella policy?
<AlcarDM> yup. Comws with a neat glass to put it in too.

<Nicolai```> "You know, next time I decide to buy a restaurant, and you know the previous owner, you must remember to tell me he is a psychopath.

<Kandi`^> (( ever notice how the npc's are the only ones who know everything? ))
<AlcarDM> (( Says who? Simon knows squat! ;p ))
<Alexander```> (( I do too... ))
<AlcarDM> (( Besides, its cause the DM makes it all up on the spot. So there! ))
<Alexander```> (( oh, you meant in the game ))

<Nicolai```> "Oh, vampires are a strange lot. Their abilities range from being able to form to shadows to being highly resistant to damage to taking the shape of animals. Our main weaknesses are our hearts, like any other being, and fire, as well as silver. Most of them are fast, strong, and pretty sly with their tongues. Hundreds of years of practice'll do that."
<AlcarDM> Simon: "That long? Wow ... it must get boring.."
<Nicolai```> "Immortality is an interesting thing, but vampires find a way to pass the time."
<Alexander```> (( besides, people only live for 70 years, and yet many of them still find time to play golf ))
<Kandi`^> (( They're like elves.. but worse.. they have forever.. Why, if you ask the oldest vampire in the world, his sex life, he'll tell you he's seen it all, and he started the 60's ))

* Dieter`` hops between the dragon and querdie.
<Dieter``> "I may not be strong, but I will still guard my friend with my life!"
<Dieter``> "Back!"
<Querdie> Stop that this instant!
<Chaos`^> The snake stops and looks at Querdie funny
<Querdie> DO NOT INVOKE THE WRATH OF QUERDIE, INSOLENT DOG! OR SNAKE! AS THE CASE MAY BE! ALTHOUGH YOU MAY REALLY BE A DOG AND JUST LOOK LIKE A SNAKE
<Querdie> OR BE A WAND THAT LOOKS LIKE A SNAKE OR MAYBE A WAND THAT IS REALLY A SNAKE BUT LOOKS LIKE A DOG
<Dieter``> "Or your wand of fireball"
<Querdie> But that is irrelevant!
<Querdie> IRRELEVANT I SAY!

* Dieter`` is a beautiful looking not-amazonian princess because she has 9 str and that's just not very amazonian.
<Querdie> (( 19 charisma tho! ))

<Gabriel``> "Well then, I apologize for not seeing the situation in its full light."
<Ashi> "Should have seen it earlier .. " to herself. She shakes her head, looking annoyed
<Ashi> The emperor nods, once.
<Ashi> He seems unsure what to say.
<Gabriel``> "So then, how do we get you off the throne, and replace you with something that works? Therein lies the problem."
<Ashi> the ninja blinks at that
<Ashi> The emperor looks a trifle stunned "I beg your pardon?"

* Kantizuni looks at rp sites on the web
<Kantizuni> Woah!
<Kantizuni> A minitures-based RPG tabletop warfare game using Lego.

<Gabriel``> can i change patterns?
<Ashi> you can - but your family would definitely notice
<Gabriel``> hmm... notice or not, could i theoretically redraw them enough to make everyones' part of the pattern equal? so that the town survives simply because the people live here?
<Gabriel``> that way, the ruling body could be anything from a king to a council of elders to barney the purple dinosaur? :)
<Ashi> Yup. Until the ppl asserted themselves into a natural hierarchy :)
<Gabriel``> but once they did that, the pattern would go back to normal, right?
<Ashi> it'd last until some noble- or gopup of them - broke that you did
<Gabriel``> but, by equalizing everyone, the city would be able to thrive still, until the people decided what they wanted, right?
* Gabriel`` would take over the town, but doesn't have time to :)

<Caltak> if the dm makes a character munchy, said dm can still get rid of said character
<Chaos`^> not just because it's munchy, that's just predjudice
<Caltak> no, thats the dm exercising his power to do what the hell he wants :)
<Chaos`^> He'll lose players that way
<Caltak> he hasn't yet

<Kandi`^> "I just wanted to ask you a few questions..."
<AlcarDM> *There is no insult. It has been many seasons since a guardian came, and that place never had one, or a child. Strange days.* There is a long pause. *How many?*
* Kandi`^ thinks "Well, I have four that come to mind, but it really depends on your answers.. That is under the assumtion there is no charge to ask you a few friendly questions..."
<Rei_Jr> (( "Are you happy with your current long distance service?" ))
<`Xaz> ((are you interested in losing weight?))

<Kandi`^> "How do you feel?"
<AlcarDM> *Pardon?*
<`Xaz> ((are you asking nessie about her emotional state?))
<Rei_Jr> (( "a little gassy, actually. All the scottish food. *burp*" ))
<AlcarDM> (( "Are you available Sunday night? I need a date.." ))
<Kandi`^> "I asked how you were... You know, your emotional state, the way you feel.."
<`Xaz> (( "well first electrical impulses travel down my nerves to my brain...." ))
<Rei_Jr> (( "Look, we brought a friend!" *out walks Barney* ))
<Rei_Jr> (( "Can we see you? If so, would you be adverse to us taking snapshots?" :P ))

<Rei_Sr> "Some questions are better left unasked son"
* `Xaz walks over to Rei jr "does this kind of stuff always happen around you guys?"
* Rei_Jr seems like he doesnt like that answer, but lets it drop.
<Rei_Sr> "You don't even know the half of it."
<`Xaz> "cool!
<Rei_Jr> *to Xaz* "Well one time the cars tried to eat us and there were dancing dogs."
* `Xaz goes crosseyed trying to picture it

<AlcarDM> (( My players are trying to convince something that is basically the appocalypse incarnate to get a hobby.... why me? ))
<Rei_Jr> (( because :P ))
<Kandi`^> (( Que sera, sera, you just have to accept it... ))
<Rei_Sr> LOL could be worse
<Rei_Sr> could be kimmey trying to sneak attack a god to death

<Kandi`^> Why is he so mean to us?
<AlcarDM> Sparkie?
<Kandi`^> no, nessie =p
<Kandi`^> she rather =p
<Rei_Jr> hmm.. maybe it's that time of the month :P
<AlcarDM> probably because she just heard you think she was male and is really pro womans lib and is insulted
<Kandi`^> I mistyped =p
* Rei_Jr sends her flowers :P

<Kandi`^> "A pawn is a very powerful piece, reguardless of it's starting power... Besides, it takes teamwork to get a mate."
<AlcarDM> (( *You want to marry me?!* ))
<AlcarDM> No reply.
* Kandi`^ thinks
<Kandi`^> "Are you there?"
<AlcarDM> *I do not leave.*
<Kandi`^> "Everyone needs... companionship.."
<Kandi`^> (( Kandi is a female remember =p ))
<AlcarDM> (( *It's the new millenium. I can find a deity to bless our union.* ))

<Kandi`^> "Then let's go watch a movie.. You might find it entertaining..."
<AlcarDM> *A ... movie?*
<Kandi`^> "Yeah.. You've never seen one?"
<Rei_Jr> (( ooooo there we go, shes interested :) ))
<Rei_Jr> (( "Let's see Godzilla 2000! er wait.. no.. lesse..." :P ))
<AlcarDM> (( she just killed 1/4 of the population of scotland. ))
<AlcarDM> (( and you want her interested in something? ))
<Rei_Jr> (( we don't give up easily Alcar :P ))

<Kandi`^> "Let's go to a coffee shop, and play some chess... What do you say?]
<AlcarDM> *I do not play.*
<Kandi`^> "It's funny.. the man who made the game was executed because he made the queen the most powerful piece.."
<Rei_Jr> (( we should start having picnics and parties by the loch until she warms up to us a bit :P ))
<`Xaz> (( dont forget asking her to bring the ice cubes ))
<Rei_Jr> (( we should buy her nice presents and send em out on little rafts :) ))
<`Xaz> (( we should make the lake 150 proof ))

<Kandi`^> "Hi.. I'm trying to get her to come back to the states with us... I think she'll enjoy a vacation.."
<Rei_Jr> "Yeah, thats a great idea, a vacation might be good."
<`Xaz> "maybe she can do summer in texas... and rent herself as ac"
<Kandi`^> "yeah, You're welcome to come... Infact, I think we'd rather enjoy it.."
<Rei_Sr> "Give it up, we've got more pressing matters to attended to"
<Kandi`^> "What could be more pressing than this? SHe's what? A billion years old, and she hasn't left the lake for atleast a few thousand... That's depressing, to even me.."
<Rei_Sr> "Try a cuple of nucular bombs dropped on Trail"

* Kandi`^ pulls out her shades and tosses them in the lake "Keep them, they'll give you luck."
<AlcarDM> (( The DM beats his head against his desk. "Why me?" ))
<Rei_Jr> (( Cmon alcar, why cant we befriend the Appocalypse? You never like any of our friends! *sob* :P ))

<AlcarDM> Matt: "Nukes?"
<<Rei_Jr> "Whats?"
<Kandi`^> "Nuclear weapons.. You'll learn more about them when you become president.. They are probably one of the causes of our future apocolypse.."
<`Xaz> "ugh... nuclear stuff sucks... my aunt chery still glows in the dark"

<TexDKnght> Looks like Cal just isn't going to be up to playing tonight, so, what do we do?
<Kimmey> Do we go with out him? or just accept the dm fiat on it, and move on?
<MechaBlue> Begin a rampage of violence and terror that requires three swat teams and a division of the national guard to quell?
<Kimmey> Meccha, that's not the right way to do it.
<Kimmey> the proper way is to set up a serries of different crimes that don't appear to be linked in any way, then after estabolishing a large enough file, send it in to provea point that no one is safe anywhere.

<TexDKnght> 2d4
<Sparkie> TexDKnght 2d4: 5
<TexDKnght> No so good, Spark, old fellow.
<Sparkie> Its better than average, ok!
* Sparkie doens't have to put up with this you know. I sit here and roll and roll and you're never satisifed!
<Sparkie> NONE OF YOU ARE!
* Sparkie sobs
* Sparkie ends it all
<Sparkie> /unload -r warnerdice.ini

*** Ike has joined #game1
<Simon```> The taxi heads towards the city, and a hotel, unless stopped'
<Ike> (( It's a fucking miracle.. You aren't playing LoLaD. ))
<Danric> ((funny you should say that, cuz we are ;))
* Danric isn't stopping it yet. Just following it with one raven.
<Ike> (( Urhm. You are? What the hell? New PCs or something? ))
<Ike> (( So did you change the LoLaD day to 'any time Alcar is on and we aren't playing a different game'? ))

<Alcar> :: Everything dies. ::
<Kandi`^> (( is that a universal phrase among the omniscient? ))
<Salem_> :: not the first time ::

<Ike> (( If I ever get into this campaign my PC is going to destroy the world.. Just so you people stop playing it. ))
<Danric> (i think that's probably the smartest idea anyone's ever had for this game ;)

<Simon```> You know, of all the PCs to end LOLAD via appocalypse, I wouldn't have suspected Danric until now :)
<Simon```> He came close.
<Simon```> The world now has 3 years left :p
<Danric> as if that was my fault!
<Danric> and besides, i'll find a loophole :)

<Simon```> The end of the world will be preceded by the axe-age and the sword-age. Weapons will be wielded and destroyed *you have an image of your fight with Simon in startling clarity*; following it is a wind-age and a wolf-age. Winter will take its toll for three consecutive years without the summer interfering to bring its people mercy
<Simon```> Father and son will engage in battle against one another. Siblings will partake in incestuous acts. Mothers will abandon their husbands and seduce their own sons; while brothers rip at each others' hearts. The starry heavens will fall, the earth will tremble; mountains and trees will crumble to the ground. Monsters will break free from the fetters that bind them; and the wild hunt will begin.
<Kandi`^> Wait a sec... How is this differant than the world as I know it?
<Simon```> The 9 worlds will become a blazing inferno and the gods die as the inhabitants of all the realms that lie beneath the Tree and Sun. The sky will fall into a pit of flame and the earth will sink into the sea. This is how it all has ended; and this is how the world begins.
<Kandi`^> And do I survive this?

<Alcar> hmm, I dont think the ppl in ad&d_gaming like my idea to have the heart of gold enter a star wars game
* Alcar would like to see the death star become fruit cake, darn it!
<Alcar> another reason for me to never run star wars....
<Xaz`> one word... heat metal
<Xaz`> thats one word if i say it like this "heatmetal"

*** Sparkie Quit (Quit: <Danric> "Everyone is a pawn. Some just think they can always move two squares all the time...")
<Alcar> even the quit is from lolad...maybe Ike was right? :)
<Baliadoc> yay random Dan quote!

<Ike> LoLaD sucks, ok? I HATE IT! RAWR!
<Ike> I WILL DESTROY THE DAMN WORLD!
<Alcar> Too late, Ike. Its ending in 3 years due to one PC last night :p
<Ike> Wait.. I didn't inspire you, did I?
<Caltak> nope, one PC is just really stupid
<Alcar> he asked 4 questions instead of 3 and brought about the twilight of the gods, and all that.
<Caltak> he's such a moron
<Alcar> nah, it was well rped :)
<Caltak> no I mena the PC is the moron, not the player. He's just good at RPing a moron.

<Ike> Wait.. Because he failed the Loch Ness Monster's pop quiz the entire world is going to die in 3 years?
<Alcar> Yup.
<Ike> Well.. Great. That only leaves.. What? 30 years left for you to play LoLaD..

<Ike> I want to play LoLaD..
<Ike> And I want a giant offshore oilrig.. And lots of nuclear bombs.
<Ike> And that's it.
<Ike> I'll be a human commoner level 1 with all 10s for all I care.
<Ike> I just want to end that planet's life.

<Xaz`> in alcars game if u wanna end the world all you have to do is taunt nessie in the correct fashion
<Xaz`> or we could go wake the world serpent
<Alcar> nessie IS the world serpent.
* Caltak erases the number next to "Population" on the "Welcome to the Winterland" sign and writes "Everyone"
<Xaz`> then we already screwed
<Xaz`> its supposed to be asleep

<Dalener> have his character get raped by a gelatinous cube
<Dalener> in his ear canal

* MattJohnson has a brilliant stroke of genius!!
<AlcarDM> How much damage does having a stroke do? :)
<MattJohnson> AlcarDM: people don't have stroke in d&d, it was a figure of speech :)
<AlcarDM> They should. It would be awesome to do to a munchkin :p
<MattJohnson> all old people are wise, intelligent, and certainly not subject to things like memory loss or strokes.

<AlcarDM> As you get closer you can smell fresh blood. The scent of death hangs in the air, as does the smell of Faline.
* Rei_Sr picks Jr up and heads into the house stoping at the door knocking and yelling "Faline, we have come to save you."
* Rei_Sr opens the door slowly "Faline, where are you?"
<AlcarDM> Faline: "From what?" You enter and she's standing at the top of the stairs, absently gnawing on someones arm.
<Rei_Sr> "Faline put the arm down, God i haven't said that in years..."
* Rei_Jr looks shocked, then confused. "...Mommy?"

<Nicolai```> "Same way with me, but I can't make myself change, and I can't stop it once it's happened."
<Simon2> "Oh, that sucks....."
<Nicolai```> "I'm starting to learn to live with it. It just makes things difficult for a while."
<Simon2> "Oh. I'm sorry..."
<Simon2> (( *turns hands into claws* "Here, let me make it better" *Rips Nicolai's head off.* ))

* Dungeon_Master_M logs onto IRC... "Oh, i've seen this episode..." then proceads in changing the channel.

<Darkkin> After afew mins it lands you hear it touch down and open the hatch
* Isys_Turigos waits until everyone is out and has been gone for a while... or until she can't stand the cargo hold any longer
<Darkkin> You hear people walking around getting up soon after you here "Whats this..were here to talk..nO!"
<Darkkin> Then laughter and gun fire
* Isys_Turigos decides to stay put a bit longer

<Darkkin> You two arrive to see a broken scanner on the floor were she was
* Aleric` swears again and picks it up, then calls out "Isys?!"
<Darkkin> A scream can be heard down the tunnel
* Aleric` runs towards it, those stupid hormones acting up.

* Aleric` is still busy swearing inventively. He's now started on various animal anatomies
<Darkkin> "Welcome to the Union of Sol"
* Isys` elbows Aleric
* Zantos` does his best to keep his tounge in his head and walks up bowing deeply
<Isys`> "Enoug about elven mating rituals..."
* Aleric` gives Isys an odd look, then shuts up.

<Isys`> "I trust her about as far as I can throw her."
<Zantos`> "Consevably thats pritty fair assuming you shut off there artifishal gravity feald"
* Isys` closes her eyes and counts to a sufficiently high number
* Isys` opens her eyes

<Isys`> "Any objections to playing along with them and conducting your own investigations?"
* Zantos` eyes the room/building
* Aleric` listens to the voice in his head. If it doesn't say anything, he nods. "Works for me."
<Zantos`> "You know there probubly watching us."
<Isys`> "I know."
<Darkkin> The bowl of fruit zooms in on Zantos

* Tarrasque goes over to joe, trying to look impressive. "I am seeing evil to slay in the name of good and honest folk everywhere!" *looks at joe for a long moment.* "Are you evil?"
<Joe||> "You're seeing evil? I've never quite thought of myself as evil..."
<Joe||> "Uhm... sorry, sir?"
<Joe||> (sorry, had to run with the typo :))
* Tarrasque stops, frowns, and reaches into his pack, pulling out a small, rather worn book. He flips through it, then reads something slowly, using his finger and moving his lips. After a few moments, he nods slowly and leaves. He comes back in and goes over to Joe
<Tarrasque> "I am seeking evil to slay in the name of good and honest folk everywhere! Are you evil?"

* Tarrasque has drawn his shiny new sword of justice - the other one having been repossessed by creditors working for the Evil One - and looks around, trying to find that source of evil
<unnamed-bard> mostly a farmers market kinda thing
* Joe|| is tagging along after the funny screaming guy, wondering what's so evil
<Sparkie> Tarrasque d20-3: 6 spot check
* Tarrasque sighs and puts his sword away. "Hidden again." He scowls. "Evil lurks in the hearts of men."
* Tarrasque looks at Joe "Oh, was your family evil?"
<Joe||> "Mine? Of course not, sir! We tended the land dutifully for our lord!"

<Joe||> "Now that's true. I pray they are in a better place than this bitter world."
<Tarrasque> "Of course there is!"
* Joe|| nods, looking a bit reassured
<Joe||> "Thank you for believing, sir!"
<Tarrasque> "The sun may shine also on the wicked, but it is THEY who will die in screaming agony as the demons shove the spikes of evil in their ears and up their nose and their ... " sees the bard. "Well, I won't continue with ladies present."
<Tarrasque> « Can someone kill my pc and put me out of the horror of playing him? :) »

<unnamed-bard> you cleave the cat in two
<Joe||> (my gods....)
* Tarrasque swings his blade into the evil creature "The flower beds of the word are saved!"
* Tarrasque kicks the body, for good measure, then cleans his sword off, wipes off his blood and leaves, proud at having made the world a better place
<unnamed-bard> some old woman walks past the end of the aliie intime to see this
<unnamed-bard> the old womman stops tarra "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO FLUFFY!"
<Tarrasque> "*I* have saved a flowerbed from this evil menace to society!" *detects her for evil*
<unnamed-bard> your getting alot of evil if you count going to spank you with in an inch of your live evil
<Tarrasque> Hmm..... Yup.

* Tarrasque places his sword between him and her "Avaunt, foul crone!"
<Joe||> "Hey! Stoppit! You can't attack an old lady!"
* Joe|| gets between the old lady and Tarrasque, looking a bit unsure of what the hell he's doing
<Tarrasque> "She is daring to attack me - me! - for defending these people from evil?!" *Face turns an interesting shade of purple* "Stand aside honest man, I would have words with her."
<unnamed-bard> woman: "THAT BRAT KILLED MY FLUFFY"

<Tarrasque> "No cat that attacks a champion of justice is good! I have the scars to prove it..." pauses, then asays "It was looking at the flower bed maliciously! It KNEW the evil it was about to embark on!"
<Joe||> "You mean it didn't even dig up a flower bed? Sir, are you alright? In your head, I mean. I mean no disrespect, but I'm worried about you."
<Joe||> "I have a cousin like that. Doesn't know right from wrong, stuff like that."
<Tarrasque> "How can someone not knnow right from wrong?" *looks shocked*
<Tarrasque> "Knowing right is a gift from the bountiful gods!"
<Tarrasque> "And I know the cat was going to destroy that flower bed! I felt the evil in it!"

<unnamed-bard> in this more ironic twist of fate the bard whips out healers kit
<Sparkie> unnamed-bard 1d20+5: 16
<unnamed-bard> and the insain pallidan is saved
<Tarrasque> « blast! »
<Tarrasque> « oh, wait, good ... »
<Joe||> ((poor alcar))

*** Tarrasque is now known as Alosa
<Alosa> And now, for somethinng comppletely sane!
<Alosa> A young girl arrives in the inn, and looks around, frowning.
* Alosa is a young, 13 year old girl currently wearing a red dress with a red hood and has a small basket at her side. She also is wearing a nice wolf fur cloak over that and a cheap crystal hangs around her neck.
<Joe||> (my lord!)
<Alosa> « grown up :p »
<Joe||> (normal my ass!)

<unnamed-bard> you know i'm going to kill this one with the first ravid dog that comes along don't you?
<Alosa> lol
<Alosa> she's sane tho :)
* unnamed-bard idely wounders how many its going to take befor alcar gets a normal pc
<Alosa> oh, she's normal. The description was just a joke.
<unnamed-bard> oh ok then stick up a real one :)

* Alosa looks like someone else, thanks the the DM....
* Alosa is a a youing, 13 year old girl wearing a nice, normal pink dress with some cheap gold earings, a crystal around her neck and a rather battered hat that might have once been a pointy hat a long, long time ago.
<Alosa> « better? »
<unnamed-bard> (much)
<Joe||> (not as frighteningly non normal, at least :)
<Alosa> « new age crystal loving witch :) »
<unnamed-bard> (Still better)

* Alosa goes over and knocks on the door. "Granny?"
<lorin`-`> you hear sobbing from inside then the woman comes to the door opening it and holding out her arms to her grandchild hiding the tears rather well
<Blake_Slithern> ((damn wheres my spell to make the girl look like the paladin >:)

<Blake_Slithern> "Weres fluffy?
<Blake_Slithern> "I'm sure the mage can help"
<lorin`-`> (which half?)

<Alosa> "You .. you can help fluffy?" Looks up at Blake hopefully and sniffs, wiping her eyes on her dress
* Blake_Slithern nods
<lorin`-`> ok, while joe goes and gets the cat you all head to max's tower, and find a note on the door, "went to a friends in the woods be back, for all dead pet magical needs see the druid in the northern forest"
<Blake_Slithern> "Ah...em.."
<Blake_Slithern> "Well i guess we head to the forest"

<lorin`-`> due to the time on the DM's clock all of the pc's are hit in the head with something that does 0hp dammage but knocks them out cold untill the next sesstion of Cannon Fodder
<Joe||> "Hey, this looks like a pleasing spot in the road to caa..." *clonk, zonk, down*
<Alosa> "No! It's raining that dog that used to torment fluffy!"
<lorin`-`> you think it was bird poop but your not sure :)

* Darkkin has had fun with shipwrecked games
<Darkkin> Ever make a bow string out of Elven gut?
<Darkkin> makes a good Elven bow

<As`ua> Alcar>> is it wrong to kill the entire party twice (once, then ressurect them, and kill them again)?

<Kain`-`> you end up spending a night in the woods you find a secluded grove which feels like no monsters ever set foot in it
<Blake`> oo
<Blake`> a save spot
* Blake` opens the menu and goes to save under slot 1

<Keith`> the godds falls back looking pissed at actwaling being struke and rather hurt from the sword as well
<Keith`> "so be it"
<Alcar> « "Kill them all and let the gods sort it out! Oh, wait, I am a god. Wow, this is going to be easy!" »
<Keith`> she floats back into the darkness and as the gets further and further back the darkness becomes a red glowing haze

* Drifter` goes back to her claws and hopes the goddess is weakening...

<Warner> hell ive played in games where it was posable to kill the DM. you had to take over as DM after you did though :)

<Alcar> you replace the DM, the DM gets your pc....
<Warner> kill death you have to take over the job :)
<Alcar> that would be fun!
<Alcar> The DM dies at your first hit since he has no AC or HP. Never needed them until you breeched his citadel of terror by bribing the dice bot familar
<Warner> hehe dice bot familar :)]
<Warner> only you would assume the DM lives in a citadel of terror :)
<Alcar> it IS one. Do you know the crime rate around here?! :p
6* Warner still thinks of the DM as that little bald guy from the ad&d cartoon :)

* Alcar is leaving before this gets worse. Allowing a pcs to kill the DM will be part of the ww game tho :)
<Warner> Gaehalee does NOT want the job
<Warner> death maybe but not DM
<Alcar> PC: "I want to level up?" Gel: "What can you sell me?"
<Warner> hehe its suprizing how much fun D&D can be as long as you find something atypical to obsease on
<Alcar> You get no experience because your new dm invested all your experience to be in a stock that crashed. You know that orc building you burned? Well, it was the head of Orcish Investments.
<Alcar> In fact, you all lose experience.

<Alcar> you know, I should run a mini game where the pcs are all high level spellcasters and give them a nation to test this stuff out ...
<Alcar> level 15 or something
<Baliadoc> that'd be just fun. they could all play various departments of the ministry :)
<Alcar> Adventurers who defeated <Evil Ruler> Who ruled <Evil Empire> and now have to keep <small kingdom thats left of Empire> afloat since while it WAS evil, they've just ushered in the next dark ages :)
* Baliadoc would play the Minister of Agriculture
<Baliadoc> "I think we're producing too much food. In order to keep our exports from falling in price, I think it's time for a plague of locusts."
<Alcar> The bards have begin calling your new king Dubya. For some reason, you take this as a really bad sign..

<Baliadoc> hey, our king could be a half-orc conqueror who fancies himself a lich king!
<Alcar> lich king ..
<Alcar> "No! Don't shake hands! Oh, gods, he just tried to kiss a baby .. "
<Alcar> The mob disperses whenever the king arrives :)
<Alcar> gotta love lich fear effect
<Baliadoc> it'd be fun for whoever decided to be PR ;)
<Alcar> Guard: "Wow, how are you going to smooth THIS one over?" PR PC: "Oh, easy" *shoots himself*
<Alcar> King: "Coward! Someone raise him from the dead!"

<Alcar> Of course, the vizier woudln't have a faction. That would be too obvious. He's just run the department of bureaucracy and the treasury :P
<Baliadoc> oh, totally
<aslhk> Alcar: what about the media? +P
<Alcar> Thats the bards. You pay then to play stuff you like with money from the treasury :)
<Baliadoc> exactly. they write epic songs about your exploits and your supreme excellence

<WarezBert> "yes, our troops follow the genocidal bidding of our merciful god"

<Alcar> people are free to make munchkins, but a high int is almost mandatory. A munchkin dealing with politics would be a horrible sight
<Baliadoc> yes, definitely
<aslhk> that would be funny
<aslhk> a low int, wis, and cha char
<aslhk> on second thought, it reminds me of my president

<Dungeon_Master_M> How about a Dragon PC, that who is exchange for leaving the Kingdom alone wants Exotic and Rare stamps for his Collection...
<WarezBert> and his idea of stamps
<WarezBert> is flattened people from strange places
<Alcar> "Well, I began with butterflys and moved up from there.." *dragon pc proudly displays his wall of exotic titans*
<Dungeon_Master_M> I Collect Portrats of people... typically this is the Person crushed between 2 plates of glass
<WarezBert> "please step this way" "but thats a printing press" "well, yes... u did hear that i mentioned a minor charge for admission? ill give you a nice view from your position on the wall"

<Dungeon_Master_M> Eliminster Vs. The Borg

* Alcar should make a dungeon .. so small the pcs get lost trying to find it
<Alcar> it would be a fun camaign :)
<Baliadoc> "Guys, we've been around this damn rock 12 times. There's no maze here!"
<Alcar> Small Voice: "Thats because you've got your left toe in it!"
<Alcar> PC: "You mean I destroyed the dungeon?"
<Alcar> PC digs out his dmg "How much exp?""
<Baliadoc> DM: "Hmm... I don't think I shoulda put those 3 dragons in there...."
<Baliadoc> "Uhm... you die of xp flooding?"

<Dungeon_Master_M> I still think a Dragon Barbarian would make a good PC... "Pull my Finger!"
<Dungeon_Master_M> *Boom*

<aslhk> I'd make plots which didn't involve the use of love potions, but they're so much fun!

* Sin{Away} thinks it would be fun to get a group of experienced players together, and find a quick little adventure for 4 characters level 4 - 6..... the twist being the 4 that will be playing it will be level 1 :)
<Alcar> That would be fun :)
<Sin{Away}> Then send the logs of the game back to the author :)
<Sin{Away}> along with the character sheets
<Sin{Away}> you have to use someone elses adventure module though, not one of your own... otherwise it wouldn't be as amusing

* Alcar expects it will be a fairly high power game. Then again, you'll need it :)
<Alcar> If I get truly bored a tarrasque could come sight seeing. :P
<Jeramias> We'll make sure that you don't get bored ;)
<Alcar> You see an enormous green behemoth on the horizon, with people screaming in terror. The black holes were its eyes are vanish magically as it puts away its sun glasses and drops it's bag of luggage, crushing 2 giants. The tarrasque gets out some sun tan lotion.
<Keith`> let it, do you know how much you could charge the thing in rental of the land its going to be sitting on?

<Jeramias> Well, in theory, all of my history ranks (maybe I'll change it to something more fitting) will help us keep up on just who wants to kill us ;)

* Baliadoc thinks he might be the countries religion as a side job. Plenty of Dream spells, lots of illusion stuff :)
<Alcar> side job?!
<Baliadoc> well, i'll mostly be spending my days making lots of magic stuff :)
<Baliadoc> but to keep the populace happy, i'll throw religion at them :)
<Baliadoc> hell, i'll even take knowledge(divine spells) and teach other people to be clerics :)

* Jeramias wonders if he should take some ranks of Profession (Barstool Philosopher)
* Alcar would kill you horribly
<Alcar> Beds falling on pcs will be nothing. You'll die from the water they use in the beer :)
<Jeramias> YOU suggested it
<Alcar> Jeramias - so?
<Baliadoc> remember, Jer, alcar's smart enough to know that what he says shouldn't be listened to :)
<Alcar> Right!
<Alcar> That almost made a kind of sense :p
<Baliadoc> like the rest of us with what we say, respectively ;)

<Jeramias> Yay, I'm done with my character other than equipment, spells, a name, and a background

<Alcar> "I want to make a fort save for this because fortean events are really odd and this counts as a strange event." :)
<Baliadoc> that's an interesting one ;)
<Alcar> Forteana - Unclassifiable (almost by def.) weirdness; things that should not be, named for madcap researcher Charles Fort. A rain of carp from the sky would be a typical Fortean event.
<Alcar> so it could work :)

<Jeramias> What kind of bonus would my lenses of bluffing provide?
<Baliadoc> not sure yet. how high would you like?
<Jeramias> I only have 6 ranks, so I'd like a decent bonus.

<Sintaqx> you travel for an hour without seeing anything other than tracks
<Teirce-Forcefist> how fast are these things!
* Teirce-Forcefist keeps going
<Adormar> how fast ARE these things?
* Teirce-Forcefist wonders if Sin is punishing the pc's for not showing up, or him for being an idiot
<Sintaqx> yes :)
<Teirce-Forcefist> which one?
<Sintaqx> both :)
<Adormar> (wonders why he is being punished :P )
<Teirce-Forcefist> (punishment by assoiciation)
<Sintaqx> ((you are here to save Teirce's ass over, and over, and over....))

<Teirce-Forcefist> (why are you shooiting the kank!)
<Teirce-Forcefist> (its protecting the npcs)
<Adormar> (I dont know what a kank is so I thought it was some evil creature and those other things were killing it so I didnt know if they were bad or not)
<Adormar> (I dont know what a freakin salt flat is)

<Teirce-Forcefist> Dumb animal....its gonna get us killed
<Sintaqx> roll a dex check Teirce :)
<TheDice> Teirce-Forcefist, 1d20+3: 4
<Teirce-Forcefist> (GAH!)
<Sintaqx> Teirce falls off the erdlu
<Adormar> HAHAHAHA!
<Adormar> I think the Kank won, my friend
* Teirce-Forcefist growls and spits sand from his mouth getting up and back on his mount
<Teirce-Forcefist> I am getting ready to kill this blasted thing and sell the meat!

<Sintaqx> Rurik_: you have no clue where the arrows came from
<Rurik_> i can't tell by the direction they flew in? oh wait, i'm a moron and i failed my spot
<Sintaqx> exactly :)
* Rurik_ just runs in a random direction
<Sintaqx> The barbarian is almost going in the right direction!
<Rurik_> score :D

* Marcus_ sprints to the wall with great agility, gracefully scaling the wall, until he slips, does 3 perfect flips in the air, and falls flat on his ass

* Dungeon_Master_M dozes off and has a rather humorous dream... "And in this corner weighting 10 pound and wearing white down trunks . . . MR. CHICKEN . . . and in the other corner wearing red trunks and green scales Koby!"
* Alcar edits Dungeon_Master_M's dream and has Koby learn magic and fireball the chicken to make KFC (Kobold Fried Chicken_
<Dungeon_Master_M> Somehow the spell missfires and he misses the chicken hitting a old, and ugly tree
<Alcar> The druid who's tree it is gets annoyed.
<Dungeon_Master_M> The Druid Enchants the Chicken making it a Gargantuan Chicken who's Abilities are reminesant of the Tarrasque
<Sintaqx> so does the dryad
<aslhk> he says "Dammit! That was my tree! It's not every druid that gets a tree, you know--most of us believe that the people belong to the land, not vice versa, but I was going to show them. I was going to show them all *shakes his fist*" =P

<Sintaqx> who in their right mind would send a single non-combative level 3 character up against 2 groups of 15 kobolds, who are also level 1 fighters?
<Alcar> No Dm is in their right mind ... it would make them suck at dming :P
<Sintaqx> true... of course, I just got the basics from Jay... I'm the one who actually DM'd everything :)
<Sintaqx> that might explain it....

<Ellipseis> A Fighter with 20 Cha and a fully barded war-golden retreiver is practically unstopable...

<WarezBert> the logic behind naming a dog glitterdust? obvious. in case of attack of invisible creature, cause dog to explode. the invis will be covered in dog splatter
* WarezBert goes away to design explosive dog chow
<WarezBert> "kibbles to bits"

<Warner> spell jammer: see the galaxy, meet interesting people and kill them :)

<Thin_Gibblewish> Guard: "hault, what brings you to the castle and by what authority" Player: "Well, you see, I was taking a nap when I awoke to see this funny rabbit with a pocketwatch scamper down a hole. Of course I followed and ....."

<Varis-Argasun> shouldnt i have gotten an attack roll?
<Damania`> against what, a stone wall? congratulations, you hit.

<Nicolai```> "Yeah. Any type of job, anything you've seen that's interesting to you?"
<Nicolai```> "We need to build you a career background."
* Nicolai`` thinks about it "Not that I can think of .. I mean, I was taught to duplicate people them .. oh, a job."
<Nicolai``> "Something where I can learn lots of stuff and make good money I guess."
<Nicolai```> "Learn lots of stuff and make good money..."
* Nicolai`` nods "Like politics. I could take kickbacks."
<Nicolai```> "Something you can set your own hours on?"
<Nicolai```> "No, politics and pizza just don't mix."

<Zacharel> 1d20+13
<Sparkie> Zacharel 1d20+13: 14
<Zacharel> (( oh, figures ))
<Zacharel> (( i critically fail at hitting a door :P ))
<Zacharel> (( you knows its Sparkie when you critically fail hitting a door rofl ))

* Zacharel sighs, leaning his head out of the door far enough to be seen. "Oh um, hi there Ashi."
<Zacharel> "Not really. It was quick, anyway. You uh.. wouldn't happen to have any spare clothing or something, would you?"
<Ashi> "I have a spare dress."
<Zacharel> "Ah. Well at least my luck seems to be consistant lately."
* Ashi rumages in her small pack and tosses a fashionable dress towards Zacharel, smirking.

<Xemit> spare clothing? easy addtion and minor?
<Ashi> You don't think this is more fun? :)
<Xemit> good point

<Zacharel> "I'm on a holy quest. No, really. The dress? Um... this quest is greatly underfunded."

<Ashi> Zacharel is now wearing a seldom-worn formal dress that fits him with most of the seams rent or torn. He looks like a fashion model from gilligans island, escept for the fact that he's male :p
<Zacharel> (( if his hair was spikey, I'd be having FF7 flashbacks right now :P ))

* Zacharel comes out. "We have to get something else as soon as possible."
* Ashi looks at Zacharel. And almost smiles. "No, I think you look very ... striking ... in that. Much better that I ever did."
* Xemit looks about "never any guards around when you need them"
* Xemit motions to Zacharel "Ladys first"
<Xemit> your right this is more fun

* Zacharel is about to deck Xemit but thinks better of it and just gives him a look
<Ashi> hmm, could intimidate could count as a form of an attempted seduction roll?
<Xemit> (ummm.. in a forcefull kinda way...)
<Zacharel> (( only if wearing black leather. ))
<Xemit> (black cheep fake leather)

<Worra> (Oh my god, the dicebot's AI has reached the point of self-preservation!)
<Sir_Timbomania[SMU]> tsume fails to break his ankle falling off the roof
<Orin> tsume did you hear him!!
* Tsume lands silent and nimbly, as a cat should
<Tsume> Yes.
<Tsume> I got a 4 on a +3
<Tsume> and a nat 20 on a +13

<ArthurQ> They have a Robin Hood Prestige Class
<Tech-Sensei> Robin hood, prince of theives or robin hood, men in tights?

<AlcarDM> About 4 hours later, Gartag returns to the village, clothing dishelved, face pale and eyes wide with a nameless terror. He stumbles into the inn and grabs a drink from the bartender, chugging Albert's Frosted Surprised without pausing. He doesn't even wince when his taste buds overload, catch fire and commit suicide and asks for another
* Maranda`-` eyes Gartag then in a drunken haze and chuckling says "he has promice"

<durgan> "This is a grenade. They explode into a giant ball of fire a few seconds after you remove this."
* durgan gestures at the pin.
* Mors`^ nods and takes it
<AlcarDM> « the pin or the grenade? :p »
<Mors`^> (( THe grenade, duh! ))
<Mors`^> (( I'ts like a wishbone, the one who gets the pin, is lucky =p

<Mors`^> (( I don't trust that rock.. ))

<durgan> "The empire blew up the last city with very little trouble."
<durgan> "I think, given a choice between being endebted to them or having them do it again, the people of the city would prefer not to be blown up."
<Mors`^> "I did not say I ddin't want to surrender, but what I did say was that I did not want to be endebted to them."
<durgan> "I may be wrong on that count though."
<Mors`^> "We can surrender, but I beleave the city would be.. better off... if they rebuilt it themselves.."

<Mors`^> "And maranda... Don't go flashing around Mercer's sword! I beleave it is a threat to them, and we would like to keep it secret... Or atleast.. we would have, had I known you had it.."
<Maranda`-`> "I wanted a momento...." *frowns*
<Mors`^> "Keep it, but don't flash it around like you would yoru breasts!"
<AlcarDM> ooh! Maranda can learn to use it to honour his memory!
<AlcarDM> "You get attacked by a light-saber wielding succubi drunken master. Actions?"

<durgan> "What was that alarm about?"
<Mors`^> "Death spoke to me... You know... I don't remember the last time death spoke to me..."
<durgan> "Me neither."
* durgan gives Mors`^ another look =P
<Mors`^> "Anyway, the whole city was going to be dead if we didn't evacuate..."
<AlcarDM> « Mors: "Oh, yeah, that plague down south which was being beaten and death was lonely and asked to go out for a coffee." »

<Alcar> got a pc for you :)
<Alcar> he's a former slave turned squire, basically. Really loyal.
<Dungeon_Master_M> Is it a Athalon or Intel?
<Dungeon_Master_M> oh... ok :)

<Dungeon_Master_M> Man I want to play a Game right now... but I have no game Ideas ready that arn't commited to my campaign
<WarezBert> i have one
<WarezBert> the party is walking through the forest, when they meet a talking slug
<WarezBert> it has a quest for them
<WarezBert> its a talking slug, so it must be important
* Dungeon_Master_M offers the slug some of his Salted JErky
* WarezBert looks suspicious, but destroys the world anyways

<aslhk> Cooper`^: happy immortals don't make for interesting games, unless they are in some way deranged.
<aslhk> also, mortal people don't like to believe that people could be immortal *and* happy. it upsets them =P

<aslhk> what if the Unbidden frantically attacks you on sight? do you still have to ask it to surrender three times?
<Eldon`> "Please-ouch-surrender. Please? Surrender? Ow! Please? Surrender please? OW! That's it! You're going down!" *BAM BAM BAM*
<Theron> just say pleasurenderpleasurenderpleasurenderno? ok then

<Eldon`> "We need to disarm the guard without killing him. Ideas?"
<Theron> "i can try not to kill him"

<Theron> "whisper the desk. require its surrender"

<Cooper`^> I'm being brain washed by a damn mahogony desk!

<Eldon`> "We've changed history...that could be interesting. Prison riot, the prisoners escaped..."
<Cooper`^> "In the end. It's all the same."
* Eldon` ponders 1963, centuries before his time.
<Luther-> "the 60's...hrmp"
* Eldon` shakes his head. "My life was far beyond that year..." He mumbles to himself.
* Cooper`^ ponders 1963.. centurys after his time

<Rei_Jr> (( *sigh* now I really wish I had taken the time to level myself up :P ))
<AlcarDM> One of the bears stops. Looks behind him and sees Old Rabit, then keeps going. He's a powerful motivator :)
* Rei_Sr checks the exp table and notes he can add 3 levels hims elf
<Rei_Jr> (( should we? :P ))
* Rei_Sr doesn't know about you but sure as hell is

* Kandi`^ sighs "Great.. first the end of the world, then people learn how to come back to life... this is just perfect..>"
<AlcarDM> Nathan: "The world is ending as well?" He shakes his head. "bad luck comes in threes. I wonder wha the third is?"
<AlcarDM> At that exact moment, by cosmic coincidence, Faline appears in Trail.

<Kandi`^> "Ok, anyway, I'm pretty sure that we have three years of winter before the big end, and I don't think the were's time comes till after the winter..."
<AlcarDM> Nathaniel: "So how do you cause summer in the middle of a perpetual winter? I doubt being pro-global warming would cause it.."
<Rei_Jr> (( aww I was about to suggest a giant aerisol can :P ))
<Xaz`> "maybe we could cause another world-ending prophecy... theres probably one with a big hot end instead of a slow cold one"
* Xaz` is joking stealthily
<Kandi`^> "If we create a flux in the space time continuim, it would create a gravitational field that would make earth come closer to the sun just enough to warm it to a summer.."

<Ashi> You head north. The howling - pain or anger, you're not sure - seems to have stopped, but the words are still and quiet, almost like a tomb. The footsteps of your animals crunch loudly on fallenn twigs as you go north. After about 3 hours, you find trees. Broken ones, tossed into the air from ahead and landed here. Some of them are as 15' wide.
* Myrth blinks in disbelief
<Myrth> there are going to be some really angry druids soon.... *mutters*
<Ashi> About 20 minutes later, you find the arms and legs of what was probably some very angry druids.
* Myrth snaps his fingers
<Myrth> well scratch that idea

<Ashi> You move ahead and find an area of no trees ... an area about a mile squared. In the middle of it, looking very angry and surrounded by a strange shimmering green-gold web, is a very big creature
<Ashi> It's about 70' tall, weighss almost 1/2 a tonne, has lots of teeth, 2 big norms, spikes on its back .. oh, just see page 174 of the monsters manual :)
<Ashi> <Myrth> rofl

* Tarrasque looks up. "Mortals would release me?" It's voice is deep, like the tolling of a church bell, or the grinding of rocks in the depths of a chasm. Something primitive in the backs of your brains begins gibbering in terror.
* Xemit so wishes he had a few levels as sorcerer and nothing but charm spells

<Tarrasque> "Would any sentient being not wish to be free of vile durance? Is it not the act of heroes to save those in dire straits"
* Myrth looks at the tarrasque and says to it "Well, you have mercilessly kill thousands of innocent people over the course of history"
<Tarrasque> 'Yes, but I did not torture or blind them first with hot irons. It's just humans who do that part," blandly.

<Xemit> "To bad we can't make it look like we walked threw the center of the cage."
<Myrth> says to xemit "what do you mean"
<Xemit> "If our tracks went strait into the center of the cage and then stoped. who ever is fallowing or after us will see this and assume we are dead."
<Gabriel``> "I highly doubt that."
<Xemit> "Would you go in there looking for a body?"
<Gabriel``> "No, but I would assume that they did that to make me think they're dead."

<Gabriel``> "You aren't seriously considering this, are you?!"
<Gabriel``> "Do you not understand what it is you're looking at? Even if he does hold up his end of the bargain, at any other point in time he can squash us like bugs. The fact that you'd be letting certain death roam free is just... well... incredible."
<Ashi> "Everything deserves a right to live, Gabriel."
* Gabriel`` nods
<Gabriel``> "Then I'm going to utilize my right to the fullest."
* Gabriel`` rides away

<Xemit> "OK, Mr Terrasque, here is the deal, we give you the halfing and his formilar, along with the nut with the talking sword, set you free and leave you with directions on how to find all the orcs you can stuff your self with, sound good?"
<Ashi> Sword: "Hey big boy! You, the tarrasque-wasquy! You want a piece of my owner? Come on, let's see what you're *really* made of!"
* Myrth gasps at xemit
* Targiith` looks at Xemit with extreme anger
* Tarrasque stops eyes Zacharel in astonishment and looks at Xemit "Deal."
<Targiith`> If you even TRY to release that thing I will be forced to stop you!
* Myrth looks at zach and starts to worry

<Ashi> Meanwhile, Gabriel rides back kaway and around it, waiting for the screams of death and terror to begin. Along the way, a squirrel hired (for the price of 3 nuts) tries to kill him, but fails :)
<Ashi> Unless you want to rolla combat with a squirrel fighter? :p
<Gabriel``> i'll pass :)
<Gabriel``> i'll give him a chance to return when he's higher level, to fight me again!
<Ashi> ooh, perfect!
* Ashi begins rolling up a lich half vampire squirrel sorcerer
<Gabriel``> awww yeah :)

<Zacharel> I die too much :P
<Zacharel> And I'm not even dieing valorously or anything, damn. Well I can go down swigning anyway :)
<Ashi> or being swallowed :p
<Zacharel> or both simultaneously. Give it a tonsleectomy

* Xemit loves the law of pc gravitation
<Gabriel``> i sure as hell don't!
<Xemit> you don't dm vary often do you?
<Gabriel``> you can all go get eaten by your god-damned godzilla!
<Zacharel> Godzilla was mis-indersttod. After all, he did save the city from other monsters a bunch of times :P
<Targiith`> Godzilla had a lot in common with Power rangers
<Ashi> Hey, the tarrasque had a good point there! It might kill, but at least it doesn't blind and torture people and call it justice :P
<Targiith`> He may have saved the city, but he destroyed half of it in the process
<Xemit> no kidding alcar
<Zacharel> Bah, just splitting hairs there, Tar :P
<Gabriel``> very good point, alcar. But considering he can kill anything when and where he chooses, i'll go with human evil any day

<Xemit> "Easy gets rid of this guy" *girks a thumb at targith* "and solves the orc problems in the south, or at least slows them"
<Xemit> "I'm sure the lead of the orcs can deal with one tarrasque!"
<Gabriel``> "Can you deal with one, Xemit?"
<Xemit> "Well sure there is going to be some colatoral dammage its bound to happen but thats the way war is."

<Ashi> However, any cleric from the old swamp would likely worship Ashakan. Which is a really bad thing, since no one knows eaxctly what Ashakan is the god of
<Targiith`> oh...
* Targiith` makes a note to cast detect evil on the party, real soon.

<Targiith`> You doo realize that your friend Ashi is evil...
<Targiith`> right?
<Gabriel``> "Yes. What of it?"
<Targiith`> And you trust her?
<Gabriel``> "She's very trustworthy. We've helped each other out on many occassions."
* Targiith` eyes go agast in disbelif
<Gabriel``> "Well, as trustworthy as anyone can be."
<Targiith`> You cant be serious...
<Gabriel``> "Is there something wrong with that?"
<Targiith`> I try not to trust those of evil intent. They will stab you in the back the moment it suits their purposes.
<Gabriel``> "I don't trust anybody, really. Most people I've met have been paid rather large sums to kill me."

<Gabriel``> "I would hold a relatively large amount of power if i was in control of my city. My siblings do not desire that."
<Targiith`> What city is that?
<Gabriel``> "Fardale."
<Targiith`> Why were you ejected from your city? I dont really understand can you tell me what happened?
<Ashi> « Fardale is the best-run city in the world. When the government is corrupt, and blatantly open about that, things tend to run smoothly since the facade of government working for the people is taken away ... the fact that if you speak against it people break your kneecaps and throw you into a river helps, too :) »

<Targiith`> I would like to keep your hasty friend from running into trouble and freeing any rampaging monsters..
<Targiith`> And that Ashi....both troubles and...well she troubles me.
<Gabriel``> "Ashi is a very useful companion. Evil comes in many forms, and not all of those forms must be destroyed. There would be no balance if good won all the time."
<Gabriel``> "But Xemit... he is a problem. One i don't have a solution for."
<Ashi> « I'm just shocked Ashi is better liked than Xemit , since she was almost serious about eating the blink dog :) »
<Xemit> (yah no kidding alcar, i only tried to free a tarrasque)

* Gabriel`` checks your palm and guantlet before shaking
<Targiith`> (he really is uber paranoid isint he..)
<Gabriel``> (when almost every session has had its' combat deal with only the assassins after you, you would be too ;)
<Targiith`> (*makes a note to save your life, over and over and over andover andover and over again)
<Ashi> « He's almost paranoid enough :) »
* Targiith` grabs his sword and swings at Gabriel``
<Targiith`> J/K!

<jay\> Skeletor1: OH YEAH. ask CoSMiC_CaSTaWaY, he was a wizard in my campaign.
<CoSMiC_CaSTaWaY> why do you say that in a past tense jay
<jay\> CoSMiC_CaSTaWaY: i've got bad news for you....

<Caltak> well when you can basically have your own little world, why make it ccrappy and tiny? :)
<Alcar> Well, its whatever fits the avatar. Chaos' pc has a city (I think it was) with legendary beasts and such around one. Eldon has a giant space ship...
* Caltak wants to see a character whos domain is a one bedroom apartment :)
<Alcar> A bum who becomes a Stalker :) No domain, just hangs out in everyone elses
<Caltak> nah his Domain is a cardboard box with "Domain" written on it in marker, than he takes with him to other peoples' Domains and sleeps in it :)
<Alcar> ooh, that would work cal :)

<Worra> SImply becuase it's more fun to rescue the princess and slay the dragon than it is to work for the dragon and rape the princess.

<WarezBert> IRS agents are Lawful Neutral
<WarezBert> enforcers of the law, regardless of outcome
<Worra> okay, WarezBert has obviously NEVER been audited.

<Alcar> You're currently resting in your Domain, absorbing the knowledge about the Universe gained since you were Enlightened.
* Harold`- sits in his nice recliner :)
<Alcar> As such, you're a trifle surprised to see the mailman - a large chihuahua in a postman's outfit from 1995 - drop an envelope into your mailbox, get back into a simple, ordinary looking FedEX truck, and drive away
<Alcar> The truck drives off into the sky and vanishes into the distance.
* Harold`- blinks, especialy as the edges of the yard are the edges of the top of the mountain, so the ordinary FedEX truck flew. Then he remembers FedEx can deliver anywhere, and goes outside to check the mailbox :)

* Harold`- smiles, gathering up strength from his own supernatural power and swings once more at the beastie
* Harold`- 's vorpal blade goes snicker-snak and he lops its head off, but refused to go galumphing anywhere with it. :P

<Harold`-> (( teleporting mice who run through walls are enough to make a cat think about a new career :) ))

*** Keith` is now known as Vincent`
<Harold`-> (( um... you're joking, right? :P ))
* Harold`- (( looking at Keith ))
<Vincent`-> (no guess what else was in that shuttle pad :) )

<Alcar> The trackers move towards the house, hurling forward with unnatural howls that sound like damned souls more than animals, and halt at the threshhold. A loud humm fills the air and the trackers dissolve into nothingless, leaving wisps of smoke behind
* Harold`- blinks
<Harold`-> "oh, thats what that was."

<Vincent`-> Its enterred by laying in an empty coffin in a black space, once inside the dreams takes shape and it is that of ones own personal hell. One is torchers with past memorys of failurs and let downs forced to relive the events in a dream like state which one doesn't awaken from untill called appon.
<Harold`-> um... right..
<Harold`-> welllll... I bet the rent is cheap anyway :)

* Keith` still can't wait for some one to try and shoot his charicter with a gun

* MechaBlue had an interesting idea for a game setting
<MechaBlue> It's probably been done before
<MechaBlue> But, hey
<MechaBlue> That never stopped Gygax

<Maranda`-`> "none have seen that side of me and not hated me, and yet you spaired my life?"
<AlcarDM> She smiles then, sadly. "I have seen worse, in my time. And caused worse. What you look like is nothing to what is inside me. We are all a birthing place for monsters.."
* Maranda`-` turns around to lookat Allegra and lets go of the fall falling to her knees "of course, people are monsters... more so then the monsters"
<Maranda`-`> "I'm... A little drunk..." *hickup* "ok... more then a little"
<AlcarDM> Allegra blinks "You tried to invade an imperial base drunk?" She shakes her head "Perhaps that explains the entire reason for it..."
* Maranda`-` giggles then hickups "I drink in battle, I drink to become stronger."
<Maranda`-`> "Sooooon. i'll drink to heal..."
<AlcarDM> Allegra mutters to herself "Well, that's a novel explanation if I've ever heard one..."

<Mors`^> "Who's your friend?"
<Rene`> "He is a 'keeper of wisdom.' He's also got one of those energy sword thingies."
<Rene`> (( "thingie" is a technical term :) ))
<Mors`^> "Yeah, he has a dark power to him rene.. Are you sure he's not one of those seths that Mercer warned us about? the ones that controll the empire?"
<Rene`> "Oh, feh, don't worry. Besides, wasn't that 'Sith' or something?"
<Mors`^> "I'm pretty sure it was seth..."
<Mors`^> "Anyway, I saw his power, it's darker than mercer... and you know how mercer turned out.."

<AlcarDM> The witch's nice cottage is the same as always. Normal looking, except for the really reinforced roof :p
* durgan knocks on the door.
<AlcarDM> The witch is inside, and says: "Yes? Who is it?"
<durgan> "It's durgan. We met yesterday? I brought someone along, as well, if that's okay. We aren't carrying houses."
* Rene` looks at durgan a bit oddly

<AlcarDM> The witch peers at Rene. "What's your name, girl?"
<Rene`> "Rene, or Arkene, depending on which you prefer."
<AlcarDM> The witch blinks. "Which are you, then?"
<Rene`> "Well I'm Rene as far as I know, but apparently I was Arkene."
<Rene`> (( wow, that confusing :) ))
<AlcarDM> Witch: "As long as it's not Dorothy .. " to herself. "Do you like little dogs, Rene?"
<Rene`> (( "No, I prefer childr-- er, what?" ))

<Johan-S> int is knowing it's raining, wisdom is knowing to get in from the rain

<Bolognaus> the Keen Vorpal Returning Throwing Stone of Speed and Cheese.

<StarShade> My favorite cursed item:
<StarShade> +5 Returning Hand Grenade

<Adanine> Should I put down skills and feats?
<Keith`> yes
<Adanine> But I want him to die
<Keith`> still need them

<|337C4Bb4g3> someone should play Martin the friendly necromancer!
<|337C4Bb4g3> except that necromancers can't actually raise undead until level 35 or so
<|337C4Bb4g3> so that wouldn't work very well
<Alosa> Budding necromancer: "Kill yourself, and I'll see if I can raise you yet!"
<|337C4Bb4g3> Martin walks into the tavern: *soft, friendly voice* "So, I hear you've been having trouble with kobolds! My friends and I are here to put a stop to the bloodshed, and bring you what peace and prosperity we can manage... right Bob?" <Zombie> *groooooaaaaaan*

<leandra```> "Oh my god, what's going on?"
<Keith`> you hear a few voices that don't sound to be human and are speeking in something that defently isn't common
<Alosa> "If we can hear it, maybe the druid does also? Wanna go check?"
<Alosa> « This sort of logic is why few adventurers reach level 2 :p »
<leandra```> "Oh! Good idea! You're pretty smart!"
<Keith`> (to say the least)

(Quit: If You Meet The Buddha In A Random Encounter, Kill Him!)

<Keith`> you drop your dagger and it gets your foot pritty good leandra
<leandra```> "OUCH!"
<leandra```> "He moved!"
<leandra```> "They're not supposed to do that!"

* leandra``` fires her bow at the goblin that hit Alosa and made her stab herself
<leandra```> ((well, fires an arrow from her bow anyway =P))
<Sparkie> leandra``` 1d6: 6 damage!
<leandra```> "HAH! Dodge that!"
* leandra``` reflects, quite sincerely on her statement.
<leandra```> "No, wait, don't!
<Keith`> ok Alosa and leandra``` your combind attack render the goblin stupifed which he soon falls over bleeding to death from his wounds
* leandra``` looks on in shock as her arrow sinks deep into the goblin's torso.

<GemmDM> 'yes I understand that but its the only way to keep you all from trying to get away.' he motions to a guard to get something 'Now here is what we are up against.' the guard brings a small 6"by6" cage over and takes off the drape, there is a small plush doll inside
* Rurik gasps.
<Rurik> "A SMALL PLUSH DOLL!"
* Rurik faints. No, not really.

<DarkDM> You spot somethign shiney off the road, far away somewhere.
<DarkDM> (Hmm, should I end this?)
<DarkDM> Everything goes dark as the sun sets. Except for the 60 or so cop car lights heading towards your direction.

<DarkDM> There is now an army converging towards Bolo, half the country's police force on the otherside, and a silver wedge thingy with an open entry way starting to rise up.
<DarkDM> Bolo feels rather exposed.

<Eldon`> "Let's see, the university said that animals are dumb, and easily killed with one blast. If you lose your blaster, use your cutter. If you lose your cutter, run. Well, that doesn't help."

<Alcar> The girl blinks. "You speak our language? What are you?"
<Eldon`> "Well, some think we're aliens, some think we're supernatural entities, some think we're demons, some think we're angels..." Eldon goes on like this at some length
<Harold`-> "Oh, just a guy from Ohio."
<Eldon`> "...and then there are those from the other school of thought that think we're just people who nifty diguises and makeup kits."

<Eldon`> I've got to wonder what sort of impression we're making on the girl
<Eldon`> I know I'm trying to make myself appear strange
<Alcar> Oh, its working.
<Eldon`> strange in a harmless sort of way, I mean
<Harold`-> well thats not working so much :P
<Eldon`> like the eccentric uncle

<Eldon`> "Look! I can pull a coin out of your ear!"
<Eldon`> "Pull my finger!"
<Harold`-> yeah but soon it becomes "Look! I can pull your ear of your head!" :P
<Alcar> "Look, I can pull your head off your ear!"
<Eldon`> Well, I can't do that. I can pull off your ear from 10 paces away.
<Eldon`> I can also do a "Now you see me now you don't!...Surprise! I'm behind you! Wedgie!"\
<Eldon`> "I just flew in from New York, and man was I sick!" "How sick were you?" "I was so sick, they made me fly my own plane!"
* Harold`- dissipates through the ground to get away :P

<Eldon`> (("Hmm...You know, I'm really beginning to hate this job. This is the second time I've left my domain, and each time I have no idea what's happening. I wonder if we can retire from this?"))
<Harold`-> (( 'Sure, but you dont get a gold pocket watch." ))
<Eldon`> (("Damn, but can I keep this nifty set of Keys? Never know when I need to come back and photocopy something."))

* Harold`- looks at Eldon. "I've been thinking... this cant be the Realm of Flesh, since we'd have gotten woven Flesh when he entered... so maybe this is one of those Shadow realms or whatever. I'm not entirely clear on how all that works yet."
<Eldon`> "Don't look at me, I've only been on one Hunt, and I was the Inquisitor, and one of my Circle almost got brainwashed by a mahogony desk."

<Eldon`> "Well, what can you tell me about your people? It's history? It's traditions?"
<Alcar> The girl looks at Eldon like he's speaking Greek. "We've always been here."
<Eldon`> "And before that?"
* Eldon` can't speak Greek, though he can do a great impression of English
<Harold`-> "Do you know where they keep him, other than just by the lake?"
<Alcar> The girl looks at Eldon "Before that?" in a confused tone of voice. Then ignores him and looks at Harold as a source of rationality "In a grove of trees."
<Harold`-> (( I'm a source of raitonality?! but I have a chiuahua mailman! :P ))

<Eldon`> Feel free to spasm, the DM's typing
<Harold`-> sometimes I consider having myself committed. Mainly for the room and board, though :)

<Eldon`> ((Dammit Jim! I'm a render not a savager!))
<Harold`-> (( "Bones -- can you -- heal this man?" "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a... oh, right." ))

<Alcar> As you go under the trees, the darkness flows around you. You can barely make out the moonlight through the trees at odd intervals. Darkness doesn't decend her, but flows out of this place no light touches. The girl gulps, the sound loud enough to be heard by you all in the silence
* Eldon` says brightly: "Hey! Let's camp!"
* Harold`- looks at Eldon. "What?"
* Eldon` shrugs.
<Eldon`> "That's what adventuring parties always say in the old holovid."
* Harold`- rolls his eyes, then nods to the girl, and goes deeper into Certain Doom er.. the grove of trees.

* Harold`- gets scary visions of necrophiliac Stalkers dissipating into graveyards

<Alcar> After a few moments, Harold shoves the top of the casket. The stone strikes the ground without a sound. The corpse is of a mal, about 50, hands crossed over chest, in leather armour and dead. he's holding an empty sword scabbard in his hands.
<Alcar> Sofia backs away, looking terrified
* Harold`- checks his pulse. "yeah, he's definately dead."
<Alcar> Sofia: "You .. checked?! You desecrated the dead to make sure he was dead?"
<Eldon`> "Well hey, he's dead, he won't mind."
<Eldon`> "And wherever he is now, he won't mind what happens either."
<Harold`-> "Well I had to be sure. Besides, I didn't desecrate it too much..." *puts the top back on* "see? good as new."

<Eldon`> "I still think the priest has the answers. But I still think we should stay the night and sees what happens. What's the worse thing that can happen? We die. It's not like anything we haven't done before. Well, except for her, but life is about new experiences."
<Alcar> You get the feeling she doesn't think your angels any more :)
* Harold`- looks at Eldon. "Well hopefully no one will have to die."
<Harold`-> (( bah, so narrow-minded ))
<Eldon`> "Well, where there's life, there's hope."

* Eldon` attempts to contact the Powers with another question: "Where does Sofia come from?"
<Eldon`> ((This is fun!))
<Harold`-> (( yeah until they get annoyed and Smite you. ))
<Eldon`> ((Well, true...but I still need to find out what happened :P ))
<Alcar> Eldon gets the image of a woman who looks like Sofia would in 10 years or so :)
<Alcar> « her mother :p »
<Eldon`> "We're working for a bunch of omnipotent pranksters."
* Eldon` mutters something about getting good and drunk.
* Harold`- looks around nervously. "Don't say things like that!"

<Caltak> w00t :P destroying worlds is fun :P

* Caltak hits aslhk in the face with a mallet of ghost touch +5, stiking him soundly in the skull
<aslhk> nope, that didn't work either
<aslhk> hah, if it worked, then I would be sounding more intelligent now!
<aslhk> everyone knows a negative number minus a negative number because closer to positive!

<aslhk> physical contact is illegal in roleplaying channels

* Zacharel nods. "So, how would I contact another diety? I'm guessing it's probably not quite as easy as it was for me to talk to you."
<Alcar> Nua: "Invoke Their Names. Be Patient."
<Alcar> Nua: "Sacrifice Something Pretty And Shiny."

<Targiith``> So...whats with the regeneration?
* Zacharel grins at the sky, then looks serious again. "Who knows? I've died once too." *shrug*
<Alcar> <Ashi> "I didn't know that. Did you see any bright light, out of curiousity?"
<Zacharel> "Uhm... I don't think so, no."
<Alcar> <Ashi> "Good."
* Xemit looks at Ashi questioningly "Bright light?"
<Alcar> <Ashi> "Some people claim to see one, if they manage to survive almost fatal wounds." She shrugs. "I doubt Death has a torch, though."
<Gabriel``> "It's just so you don't see him coming when he delivers the final blow."

<Zacharel> Hmm... what if the only real reason the frog prince got kissed was because the princess thought he was a hallucinogenic toad? :P

<Myrth> so who all is joining me? the more the merrier
<Gabriel``> "What exactly are you doing?"
<Myrth> i'd rather not say, but it involves alot of personal sacrifice, pain, patience, and experiance
<Gabriel``> "Great. So what is it you're doing, exactly?"
* Myrth gives a big sigh
<Zacharel> (( "Filling out Tax forms, huh?" ))

<Zacharel> so by Invoke, you just mean basically say I'm Invoking her name such, yes? :P
<Zacharel> ah, I see
<Alcar> yup.
<Zacharel> ah, surprisingly simple :)
<Alcar> most gods are :p
* Zacharel wonders what gods do all the time to stem off boredom... then decides maybe he'd rather not know :P
<Alcar> Your mother is all the proof you need ;P
<Zacharel> and she's supposed to be a "good" diety, too :P Hmm Atien probably created rabbits for fun :)
<Zacharel> "Do they need to breed that much?" "Well, Perhaps Not, But Where's The Fun In That?"

<Targiith``> If i was an assasin would i have just helped defend you? And killed them?
<Gabriel``> "Yes."
* Targiith`` looks at him curiously

<Gabriel``> "Interesting. Do you have any anti-venoms on you?"
<Alcar> <Ashi> "I can remove poisons, but it's painful."
<Gabriel``> "Eh, nevermind. It'll pass."
<Alcar> <Ashi> "Life always does," dryly
<Zacharel> "What should we do if you pass out from it? Just asking, in case."
* Targiith`` frowns at the evil woman
<Gabriel``> "Well, check to see if I'm dead, for one. If not, make sure it's not going to kill me. Or, collect a sizable reward for my death."

<Zacharel> hmm, if there was a reward out for killing someone whos immortal, would you get payed per the number of times you kill them? :P

<ArthurQ> next week.........Zone of Truth.......bwahahahaha
* Keith` shudders
<Keith`> that could lead to alot of dead people

<ArthurQ> Am i the only guy there that is honestly not gonna try and kill Gabe?

<|337C4Bb4g3> Everyone knows that wizards don't have sex
<aslhk> ArthurQ: they're WIZARDS!
<|337C4Bb4g3> ArthurQ: BECAUSE THEY'RE WIZARDS!
<Caltak> they're like, nerds, with magic :)

<Caltak> Sex: what Rings of Protection are really for.

<aslhk> wizards don't have sex.
<|337C4Bb4g3> sorcererors are different
<WarezBert> "hey baby, wanna see what else having a dragon as a daddy gave me?"

<aslhk> besides, what's the point of being a god if you can't self-induce orgasms?

<|337C4Bb4g3> You can't be a wizard and have sex, not having sex is part of the definition of wizard

<Hortemere> "It's hard to be a team player, when you don't know the team."
<Alec```> "Touche. You're not a people person, are you?"
<Hortemere> "Give me time, I will be"
<AlcarGM> « "How dare you say that?! I've killed LOTS of people!" »
<Vincent`-`> (thats my line)

<Vincent`-`> can i try and swing up on to its back grab is neck and invent an early and deadly form of kiropratics?

<Alec```> she's not the Unbidden, is she? :)
* AlcarGM grins evilly
* Alec``` is very perceptive about these things, y'know :)
<AlcarGM> No, just a girl. I was tempted, tho, but the Unbidden wanted to get away from stalkers :)
<Alec```> good point.
<Alec```> you're not saying that because you're under the influence of an Unbidden, are you?

<Harold`-> "Oh, I and Vincent and a fellow named Eldon not too long ago were in this shaodw realm where Arthur's corpse was."
<Harold`-> "Not that we knew who it was of course. We sort of found that out after we opened the coffin."
* Alec``` walks over to Harold, almost in his face, and barely stopping himself from slamming him into a tree or something
<Alec```> "He's still bound, isn't he?"
<Harold`-> "The shadow realm sort of fell apart, and we barely got out, but I did manage to save the girl... hmm?"
<Alec```> "Arthur! Arthur is still bound?"
<Harold`-> "Well... I'd say most likely no."
<Harold`-> "But it's just a guess really."
<Alec```> "You don't take your job too seriously sometimes, do you?"

<Alec```> "And you didn't notice the stink of evil?"
<Harold`-> "Not really, no, it was just a bit spooky and dark, is all."

<Baliadoc> i'm still sorta blown away by the fact that we're playing hyper-yahtzee. I think that's so cool!

<SubBasic> HAHA...you know the big fire beast that killed gandalf?....wouldnt of it been cool if he said "Gandalf, I am your father!"
<SubBasic> in one of those dark vader voices...:)

<Keith`> grandma looks up slowly saying yes dear then realizes you have fluffy alive and well in your arms and kneels down to hug the both of you, fluffy isnt to happy to be squished in the center and is kinda tired of being carred
* Alosa puts fluffly down "There was this real nice lady in the forest who helped her!"
<Alosa> « Granny kills Alosa for trafficking with Dark Gods to raise fluffy? :) »
<Keith`> grandmother: "realy? what type of cristal did she use to save fluffy?"
* Alosa thinks about it "I .. didn't see. She just put her in some water." *brightens* "The water must have had crystals in it."
<Keith`> that would give this old woman a 2 and 0 kill record
<Alosa> « wipe out the whole party :) »
<Alosa> "But you got fluffy back!"
<Keith`> grandma "Yes my preshess fluffy" she is drying the cat with a towel

<Alosa> "Hi! I'm Alosa, from the village," waves vaguely behind her. "Where're you from?"
* Borgy` appears to be trying to figure out what Alosa said
* Borgy` 's eyes cross, and small gouts of smoke drift lazily from his ears
* skull-narthooth grunts to borgy translating
<Borgy`> "i are from orc"
* Alosa realises Borgy reminds her of Uncle Joe after a few druinks. "Oh."
<Borgy`> "orc man and orc woman like each other, and make borgy"
* Alosa blinks "Oh. We have storks for that, here."
* skull-narthooth points at crotch and says "stork
<Keith`> Lorin covers Alosa's eyes

*Larissa gently disengages herself from Teirce's grasp and stands, stretching(not a bad sight)
* Jezam goes outside
* Jezam lingers in the doorway ;)

<Adormar> ((BTW jezam, while you take everyting in you notice both me and teirce are asshole-nakid))
<Jezam> [hehe... then i wont try to "take everything in"]

<Maranda`-`> ewh, corting Alegra is going to be more costly then being a drunk
<durgan> ((oh my god, these people have no consideration for poor durgan's feelings--always buying stuff!)) =P

<Caltak> *walks in wearing a bath robe and bunny slippers.* "Fear me for I am a powerful wizard! Now to go build a boat..." *walks out again*

<Rene`-> knock them out, strip them, and hang them from a rooftop upside down :P
* Maranda`-` isn't quite that cruel
<AlcarDM> Man1 blinks, eyes wide. He yells something incoherent and charges maranda, using his non existent martial arts training to successfully not hit her.
* Maranda`-` just grabs this ones shoulders and knees him in the nuts good and hard
<Rene`-> OW! thats worse!
<Rene`-> you dont kick someone in the nuts, jesus christ :P
<Rene`-> I dont care if he's a greater deamon about to destroy the world, and its the only way to stop him-- you just dont do that! :P

<durgan> "Well, that curse he gave you was obviously rehearsed. There's something a little strange about people who rehearse curses."
<durgan> "And, though I am not too familiar with the customs of that time period, I do not believe it is normal to condemn your daughter to--if not endless torment--very long periods of torment."
<Rene`-> "If its rehearsed, that means he knew I was going to betray him ahead of time. But maybe he's just good at sounding rehearsed."
<durgan> "Well, people like that normally have three or four practiced just in case."
<durgan> "Just fill in the blank sort of thing."

<Orm_Macnith> can i get a run down of pc's, so i can kind of accomadate for the party?
<AlcarDM> one god, one vampire, one cursed drow who isn't really a drow, one merchant shapeshifter.
<AlcarDM> oh, and a succubi drunken master
<Orm_Macnith> a god?
<AlcarDM> yup
<Orm_Macnith> really?
<Orm_Macnith> shit, good role play?
<AlcarDM> God's aren't that powerful in this world :)

<Rene`-> I hate when Player stupidity hurts the PC :P

<AlcarDM> A gnome comes out of his home, with a small shield guardian. It looks like a boy, with black and pointy air, and big black eyes. He glares at Allynor "This one is MY design!" then says to it "Come Astro," and walks away towards the western home the construction is going on at, saying something about needing a storm and clock tower to get the land speed at 80 miles an hour
* Allynor watches the overly small procession go towards the house, wondering just how big the toll was on the people who survived this attack. They all seem insane

<Rene`-> hey, does Hallmark have a "Sorry your grandfather made a house fall on you and I totally forgot who you were" card? :P

<AlcarDM> « Rene finds a hallmark card: "I love you, dear daughter, I don't want you to cry. But since we can't get along I'm going to have to suck you dry." »
<Rene`-> (( wow, you are evil ))

<Mors`^> "But evil they will make you! Demon that will break you! Do not read of the book, for they will catch you with a hook. Words you will say, power of now way. Demons you will create, for the books are just the bait!"
<Mors`^> (( OOoooh! I just made that up! I could be a god in no time! ))
<Rene`-> (( that or Dr. Seuss ))
<durgan> ((that was horrible, Mors`^, he's going to think you're crazy! *laugh*))
<Mors`^> (( Hey! I'm a god, ofcourse I'm crazy! ))

* Mors`^ sighs and sets down and starts to cry
<Mors`^> "I miss it you know.. *Sniff* I miss it.."
<durgan> "The shoe polish?"
<Mors`^> "No! I miss my power... I miss it so much.."

<Rene`-> OH! I should steal the books from those guys and give em to Glenda :P
<Rene`-> I may just do that :P
<Alcar> Oh, that's a good gift! "Here, rot your brain out on Cthulhu!"

<ArthurQ> (so the human says to the halfling.. "YOUR HALF THE MAN I AM!)
<ArthurQ> (The halfling goes.. "YEa! The better half!")
<Mestaath> ((A man walks into a bar, but the halfling just passes right beneath it.))
<Mestaath> ((the problem with halflings is everything is over their heads))
<Mestaath> ((Halfling come-on line: "Hey, baby, want to go upstairs and make a quarterling?"))
<Mestaath> It's a common myth that halflings are born thieves... but nobody ever knows just exactly where the placenta went after the birth
<Milo_Tealeaf> hey, you are stealing my glory
<Mestaath> what else do you have... somebody already stole your height :)

<Fedrick> there are some that think little of halflings
<Mestaath> that's all you can think about them :)

<Mestaath> "I would advise you did not do that again." to Milo
<Milo_Tealeaf> do WHAT exactly?
<Mestaath> "You know as well as I that innocence graces a halfling's face as well as kindness graces an orcs."
<Milo_Tealeaf> and proper speech graces a human?

<Mestaath> "It's a sad day when you are on a first name basis with the local police, and not on their payroll."

<WarezBert> [hehe... my guy is a human dynamo... and he knows it]
<WarezBert> [hes a human teenager who generates electricity spontaneously... more when he gets excited in any way... hormones + superpowers = eww]
<WarezBert> [hehe :) my guy is a musician... and hes his own amp! ]
<Andy`-> (( but where do you plug... ewwwwwww! :P ))
<WarezBert> [hehe... my pc's main problem is going to be having to have no sex life with 40 attractiveness]
<WarezBert> [cause of the excited=electric generator factor]
<Andy`-> (( wow, you're evil :) ))
<Andy`-> (( then again... they are called "rubbers".... lol :) ))

<Shep> "welcome to the underdark...here's your compilmentary dagger!" *stab*

<Alcar> PC: "I wish I was insane." DM: "Ok." *hands him the dmg* "You're running the game now."

<SnailSlug> elven maidens with only the chainmail on
<Urt> chafed and bleeding to death..

* Myrth gives a hefty sigh
<Myrth> can i have my eye back?
* Myrth puts his hand out.
<Myrth> today?
* Gabriel`` looks at his rapier, and if it actually has an eye on it, flicks it in Myrths general direction before backing even farther off
<Gabriel``> "By all the Gods! That's disgusting!
* Myrth goes and gets his eye, cleans it off and puts it back into place
<Ashi> "I don't know. Some of them would find it amusing..."
<Myrth> So is birth, but i'm not complaining
<Gabriel``> "Well I bloody am! What's wrong with you, man!?"

* Gabriel`` grumbles quite a lot as he climbs out of the river and dresses, looking a bit over paranoid. At least his normal assassins have the decency to wait after breakfast

* Myrth feels uncomfortable in these dark surroundings, and he's undead.

<Sabaoth> Doom was a rpg you played the roll of the last man alive beating down the badies of carnal lust and infidelity.
<Sabaoth> And all that bad stuff.

<Gabriel``> "Oh by the Gods! This is ridiculous! I'm so tired of everyone putting us down for our God-given shortcomings! Curse you and your ilk till the day you die, Tarrasque! And if you can't deal with that, then come fight me!"
<Ashi> The tarrasque looks at Gabriel for a long moment. "Would I get the reward if you died?" casually
<Gabriel``> "You'd have a better shot than anyone else. Altra can't afford to try and have you killed."
<Gabriel``> "All you other races do is just put us down! As if you're so high and God-blasted mighty! I'm sick of it!"
<Gabriel``> "You want a barbarian? You've got it!"

* Zacharel wants to hang out witht the Tarrasques, they're pretty cool guys :)

<Myrth> *as he is riding he asks xemit* "Where are you from? I know very little about you"
<Xemit> "Here and there, Good lets keep it that way."
* Myrth nods at xemit "If you wish"
<Zacharel> *to Myrth* "He's shy." *smirk*
<Xemit> "Hardly, I don't want to have to be forced to kill every last person here."

<Zacharel> "Oh it can't be that bad a secret. I mean, you know, and you haven't felt the need to kill yourself yet."
* Xemit mutters under his breath "There are many types of death."
<Zacharel> "Didnt our little friend just say that before?"
<Zacharel> "I think you're stealing quotes now."
* Zacharel grins
* Zacharel pats Xemit on the shoulder. "It's ok, we're not gonna force you to tell us, big guy. You can be as mysterious as you want."

* Ashi walks along the semi-solid road, thinking to herself, then says "Ashkar might be in for a shock or two....."
<Xemit> "How so?"
* Ashi looks at Gabriel "One guess," dryly.
<Gabriel``> "I apologize for my actions. I'm just tired."
<Gabriel``> "Someone had to tell him off though. Someone had to stand up for us."
<Ashi> "Oh, no. That was quite amusing." She looks at Gabriel "Maybe so .... I'm not sure how much there is to stand up for anymore..." She shakes her head
<Gabriel``> "If you can't stand up for what you are, you've no right being it."

<Gabriel``> "If you can't stand up for what you are, you've no right being it."

* Gabriel`` rides along, feeling a bit refreshed after yelling down that Terrasque

* Alcar should have fun with Axon ... a world with security cameras is just too much fun
<Baliadoc> oh, i might be making a couple of characters for that game, Alcar. my wizard is turning out to simply be a magic factory :)
<Baliadoc> he'll be so preoccupied with magic that he might not get out much :)
<Baliadoc> and that's in wizard terms :)
<Alcar> "Wow, that;s an impressive spell . his robe is so solid it never moves.." "THat's no spell, he's just never washed it.."
<Baliadoc> exactly ;)

<DarkDM> The point of the game is to get a good night's sleep. :D
<WarezBert> WarezBert is a towering black man with a large beard, a glass eye with a happy face, shaved eyebrows, and scarred arms. he wears a small g-string, and carries a bent and mangled bycicle as his only tool and weapon
<Jake_Thomas> « if WB is really playing the president of the USA, my PC is leaving the country :p »
<DarkDM> The universe shifts, and suddenly WarezBert is wearing a 3 piece suit.
<DarkDM> <<No, he's just delusional>>
<WarezBert> [sorry, ive closed borders, and declared looking yearningly across it as a treasonous act]

<DarkDM> Somewhere, something interesting happens.

<Alcar> cloaker [familiar]:)
<Alcar> "Now where is my familiaarrggh! Get off! Get off!"
<Dark83> Nymph: "You know, I don't think you're supposed to do that to your familiar"
<Dark83> Succumbus: "You know, I don't think your familiar is supposed to do that to you"
<Alcar> Elf: "I don't think your familiar is supossed to be doing that to your horse.."

<Dark83> Hm, you can build homunculuses
<Dark83> but not as familiars
* Dark83 ponders building an army of them
<Dark83> One fireball...poom, 20 die
<Dark83> 40d10 damage to caster

<Warner> "And what underground domain is compleate with out a yawning pit into the 7 levels of hell? Provides you with esecial foot trafic and shortens your comute to work"
<Sir_Timbomania[SMU]> "and who could forget random magic artifacts in the bathroom...an essential for the fixer-upper dungeon"
<Warner> hehe toilet handle doubles as a wand of wonder :)
<Warner> toilet roll is a deck of many things :)
<Dalener> Toilet is really a killer mimic.
<Dalener> "One flush counts as one charge, it can cast 'Whirlwind' - Two flushes counts as 'Passwall'
<Bolognaus> Contents of the toilet: Hand and eye of Vecna.

<Dark83> If you hear rumors of people and creatures that are super powerful and can cause you to have a most painful experience...the probability they exist is significantly higher than if they were to provide much beneficial effects.

<Dark83> Eldon's Heavy Warhorse has chainmail of invurnibility +1 :D
<Dark83> he has an ac of 20...
<Dark83> and only 30 hp...
<Dark83> but he's got damage reduction 5/+1
<Alcar> Ok, Eldon gets his by the meteor strike and dies. Miraculously, his horse walks out unscathed.... :p
<Dark83> GO HORSEY!
<Dark83> But I have SR and he doesn't. Hmm...I need my horsey to have SR... :P
<Keith`> horse walks out looking a bit cheesed off at having a dead man on his back
<Alcar> Milly - the younger years :p

<Keith`> Maranda: "We can't see everything in life."
<Keith`> Maranda: "My master once said something... to fully understand something you must look at it in a merror while hanging up side down."
<Alcar> Allegra: "But we get so trapped by what we do see..." She smiles for a moment, genuinely "I should thank you .... but it's still so ... new..."
<Keith`> Maranda: *smiles warmly in return* "I know and its alright."
<Alcar> « Allegra yells "NO, it's not!" Roll init :p »
<Sparkie> Keith` 1d20+5: 8
<Alcar> me was joking about the init :P
<Keith`> LOL
<Keith`> oh good!
<Alcar> is why is was ooc :)
<Keith`> cus that was on crappy ass roll

<Sin{DM}> only rogues can search for a magical trap
<Dark83> that's what mages are for, anyhow
<Dark83> "Detect magic?" "There's a big glowing skull on this door." "Must be just decoration..."

<Mors`^> "I... I'm not sure.. I feel... I feel differant... What is it you call the feeling when you think you've done something wrong?"
<AlcarDM> Bartender: "Being sober."
<Mors`^> "Oh.. well.. I think I'm sober..."
<Mors`^> "I don't think that's the right word... I think it starts with a J..."
<AlcarDM> Bartender: "Jerk?"

* Ylaes uses her dagger and rapier as thongs and fishes the book back in the chest/box
* Allynor slams the top of the crate back on
<Maranda> (Tongs, not Thongs!)
<Allynor> (Keith, making a spelling correction?? :)
<Ylaes> ((lol I just relized what I wrote. yes tongs.))

<SnailSlug> somebody went to ad&d once because he thought it was an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder channel

<Allynor> "Placing your fate in luck's hands isn't always the smartest way to live."

* Maranda is likely the only drunken master succubus in space ever

* Mors`^ idly wonders ooc if two former gods, a sucubus, and a dark sider, can take on five gods...
* Mors`^ idly wonders if the cthulu could... hmmm....
<AlcarDM> « yes :) »
* Mors`^ tries to remember the words... hmm... what did mercer say? lol j/k

<AlcarDM> at this rate, every pc might die by reading certain books :P
<AlcarDM> On then plus side, the village that survives it all might make illiteracy a mandatory law
<Maranda> as long as it isn't labled someones guide to a better lesbian sex life i think maranda is safe
<Allynor> my next character may just be a barbarian

<Dark83> ((I have the urge to join up as a sidekick, heh...))
<Ylaes> (( I have the urge to fire ball you but I don't))
<Dark83> ((See the violence inherent in the system))

<AlcarDM> There is a flash of light overhead no one sees as an Imperial Star Destroyer filled with a dead sith [named George Lucas], a few thousand dead civiliians and storm troopers and 12 Cthulhu mythos begins that had lots of teeth and were really hungry flies into the sun
<Ylaes> (( lol! please tell me you are joking))
<durgan> ((nope *laugh*))
<AlcarDM> « Nope :) »
<Ylaes> (( *blink blink*))

<Ylaes> (( is this a frturistic thingy?))
<AlcarDM> « nope »
<Ylaes> (( then why the star destroyer?))
<AlcarDM> « The Empire invaded the world. »
<Ylaes> (( cuz you wanted to kill lucas? oh i c))

* Ylaes goes to the bar too. Flirting with any elves she sees.
<Ylaes> any male elves...
<AlcarDM> The elves are too bust flirting with Ylaes' cat. :p
* Ylaes 's cat is in her room. locked up and sleeping on my bed
<AlcarDM> Drat. Ok then. One of the male elves comes over and asks where you're from

<durgan> "Now, I am going to go get a wagon. Would you care to help me dispose of these things?"
<Allynor> "Of course. You may wish to recompensate the man next door though. It would be only fair."
<durgan> "Well, I feel, if anything, that he owes me money. I suppose, however, I shall allow the fines which would normally be levied against a person who brings such dangerous objects into town be dropped in his case."
<AlcarDM> « What fines? :p If there were fines like that, the PCs would owe a fortune for bringing Maranda into this town :p »
<durgan> ((I'm just making that stuff up =P))

<Allynor> "I think you might want to work on your 'safety inspector' ruse a bit more, my friend."
<AlcarDM> Allynor - sense motive, dc 35 :)
<Allynor> (oh. well someone coulda told me.)
<Chaos`^> (( we just did ))
<Allynor> "Nevermind. I will help you dispose of the books. My actions have been changed due to being unable to beat your bluff check. Let us go together now and rid the town of these books. I'm sure Garth will understand about the fines."

<Dark83> Mass production of food, for Axon's Poverty Stricken masses:
<Dark83> Take lots of mud
<Dark83> Make mudpies
<Dark83> mud to rock
<Dark83> stone shape into squat cylinder
<Dark83> stone to flesh
<Dark83> instant spam

<Dark83> Plant growth for crops...
<Dark83> after using a limited wish to make it rain grain...
<Dark83> rabbits for meat...
<Dark83> what more could our peasents ask for?
<Alcar> pitchforks and torches to storm the palace? :)

<Alcar> Of all the ways to stop the empire, a chance idea to make an npc sith a lesbian wasn't one of the ones I expected to wok :)
<Keith`> whats this make now two of your npc's i've had a pc charm?

<Alcar> flocks of elves chasing you around ..... I doubt most people would think of that as part of a pc's disadvantages. "But I'm a Yeti!" "Yes, and they're elves. The worst part is they're too thin to make good meals."

<Alcar> Giant killer: Poison sword. Wait for giant to step on you. shove blade in foot as it steps on you and kills you. One dead giant.

<phantomXP> what do you need?
<Sintaqx> sanity
<Sintaqx> oh, you mean in the game
<phantomXP> of course
<Keith`> sanity

<Keith`> conquest by the cthulu. a new RPG campaign coming to kill you.
<Caltak> Cthulumon! The new craze! Ash:"Go, Cthulumon!" Everyone:"AHH ITS HIDEOUS!!!!" *everyone dies* Cthulumon:"Cthulu?"
<Keith`> druid:"I chose you racoon!" pitches the coon and turns and runs

* Keith` just realized he could play a level 1 every thing and meet all the requiremnts for most of the presstige classes

<Keith`> the god of CF shell be a level 1 about everything
<Keith`> pc:"what exactly is it that you do again?" god:"A vary little bit of everything"

<Greg`> There is motion in the doorway and a very deep, male voice says quietly "it seems others have made choices, as well." Frank is a 7' tall human who looks .. different. It's nothing you can put your finger on, but he seems to be ignoring the cold (must be some northern survival trait) and his skin looks almost corpse-like in the light from the one fireplace. He's carrying a young girl in his arms
<Greg`> « Bonus exp for anyoe who inserts the bride of frankenstein movie into their vcr! »

*** Caltak Quit (Quit: What my cardboard sign would say: "Will RP For Food.")

<Alcar[Essay]> sword of holiness: For the pure of heart, this +1 sword casts a bless spell on anyone you hit with it (and do damage). it means that they can die blessed and contented.

<Caltak> Healer's Sword: This Keen Greatsword of Speed +5 can be weilded by anyone, regardless of weapon proficiency. It is enchanted to never, ever hit your allies (even if the ally is your target ;P). All damage dealt with it is healing instead.

<Alcar[Essay]> Censor Monster: Anytime your PC does something it seems wrong, it can either cast "voice block" which turns your words into "bleep" sounds (DC 20 will save to resist) or Cloud, which creates a black shadow around certain parts of the anatomy and follows you around until you look decent again.
<Caltak> even the Gods wouldnt be safe...
<Alcar[Essay]> Especially the gods :P
<Alcar[Essay]> Zeus....
<Alcar[Essay]> "Come on, you stupid monster! I'ma flower pot now. Do I look up to ravishing her?"
<Baliadoc> "Did you say pot?! Don't make me bleep you!"
<Alcar[Essay]> "Bleep! Bleep! You Bleep!" monster. The censor beast would be the first monster without a name :P
<Alcar[Essay]> "What do I have following me? It's a bleep!"
<Caltak> A theif steals a man's dog. Man: "Hey! Come back here with my b-*BEEP*!" *blinks* "What the heck?! I was using the dictionary definition!!"
<Alcar[Essay]> The kings illegitimate son is now known as "Bleep"

<Setesh> "a dm can change the gravitation constant of the universe, but he can never fudge a roll."

<Andrew`-> "I st first couldnt heal fast, and-- oh yeah, I guess I forgot that."
* Andrew`- cuts himself and shows it as it closes up right away
* Greg`` mutters something he thought was under his breath but both Andrew and Kent here "S&M, anyone?"
* Kent`` blinks and looks at Greg
* Andrew`- blinks and looks at Greg
* Greg`` blinks then says "what?"
* Kent`` blinks and looks at Andrew
* Kent`` blinks and takes two BIG steps back away from the two of them :)
<Greg``> Jeramias kills you all
* Andrew`- snickers, and shakes his head

<Kent``> "Good point. Are you stuck like that, Andy? I mean, are we looking at having no way of turning you back into something human looking?"
<Andrew`-> "Well Greg can make me look humand for a little while, but its short, and uncomfortable for me, and tiring for him."
<Andrew`-> "Besides, I kinda like myself this way, despite popular opinion."
<Kent``> "Just curious. It would make things easier."
<Andrew`-> *muttered* "It'd also make this easier if people weren't such jerks."
<Kent``> "Not really, because then they'd accept everything, including bad people, and then there would be all sorts of problems there."

<Andrew`-> "Ok, Kent can be Sigfried, and Greg can be Roy. Now we just need white paint... oh wait, that'd only get us to Vegas."
<Andrew`-> (( wow, not even a 'lol' out of that? :P ))
<Andrew`-> (( I must be losing my touch :P ))
<Greg``> « heh »
<Kent``> ((just too lazy to type :))

<Andrew`-> since we'd be heading really far away anyway, why not just go to some uncharted island? We could build a huge door and wall, and get the natives to worship me :P
<Greg``> "All hail the cat that swallows the moon!" *They attack and kill Andrew so he can never swallow the moon before Andrew has time to explain that it's a wolf that swallows the moon, not a cat*

<Greg``> does kent know he's an alien? :)
<Kent``> i'm trying to figure out if he does or not.
* Kent`` has to decide whether Ma and Pa gave him the key to the condo or not
<Greg``> oh, that'd be good :)
<Kent``> hrmm... why not? i'm sure he would've figure it out by now.
<Kent``> and it'd be the perfect place to go!
<Greg``> Forgot about it due to stress? :)
<Kent``> makes sense ;)
<Greg``> Pa secretly hynotised you to only remember it at dire need and is secretly plotting to take over the world?
<Greg``> Sorry, remembered my marvel comics days :p
<Kent``> wait, that makes much more sense!

<Greg``> « D&D titanic .. "No, we're exceeding our speed! Critical failure! »
<Andrew`-> (( yeah, but it'd sink without an iceberg :) ))
<Kent``> ((or it'd just attack us.))
<Kent``> ((it's probably a mimic ;))
<Andrew`-> (( one big mimic :) ))
<Kent``> ((that's not the universe.... that's a mimic!))

<Greg``> is Kent worried yet? :p
<Kent``> Kent is wondering just how many trips to the Earth his parents made. This is like the Summer home of God :)
<Greg``> ROFL
<Kent``> seriously, too :)
<Kent``> he's a collector of his stuff, from every religion, and likes rare stuff. he's gotta have it, after all. he IS God. if God's gonna have stuff, it has to be Big Stuff

<Greg``> Unnoticed overhead, 3 angels coming to clean up stop, see the PCs, and fly off to tell Someone that His house is being entered.
<Kent``> (aw Hell. Well, more accurately, Heaven.)

<Andrew`-> (( no DVD player? :) ))
<Greg``> « nope »
<Andrew`-> (( really? damn :P ))
<Greg``> « no computer, either. Is a fax machine, tho »
<Andrew`-> (( weird :P ))
<Andrew`-> (( are there phones? :) ))
<Greg``> « No, actually :) »
<Andrew`-> (( they have a fax but no phone?!? ))
<Greg``> « Yup. »
<Andrew`-> (( *Twilight Zone music plays* ))

* Kent`` heads out the back door, into the new and undiscovered inner areas of this Condominium of Partytude
* Andrew`- follows Kent, looking confused after surveying the present communication devices
<Kent``> (couldn't find a better opposite of Solitude, so i made one up)

<Greg``> "People might see you .. you're 12 storeys tall!"
<Kent```> "Stay in between the hills, at least! Try not to get anywhere where you'll be readily visible."
<Andrew`-> "It's not like I'm dancing around naked or something, for crying out loud..." *wanders around a little, then finds a nice place to relax :)*
<Greg``> And, far above the world, the alien Xorn recruit waves his pseudopods "Captain! We found intelligent life on the world! It's a big cat!" Captain: "Good. Now that we have the catt, we need to find the Calvin and our mission will be finished."

*** ArtQ-Sleeping changes topic to 'Your first set of Dice: 7$. Your First Dungeons and Dragons Players Handbook $29.99; The look on your DM's face when you roll 3 20's in a row against his "invinsible" orc? Priceless. #D&D Never leave home without it!'

<Tech-Sensei> How come you take 1d6 damage from a 10 foot fall, and 10d6 from a 100 foot fall, and 100d6 from a 1000 foot fall. No terminal velocity.
<Tech-Sensei> see? Don't apply the standards of the "real world" to D&D

* Mr_Stokes thinks good roleplaying stems from rules lawyering

*** WebMaster_SD Quit (Quit: Sorry, your spell can not be completed as casted. Please check the components and try your spell again. If you need assistance, contact your mentor.)

<AlcarDM> The young man looks up "Of course." His voice seems coarser than before, and he turns pale. "No .... " he whispers, then his body ripples and changes
* Maranda`-` eyes the young man now
<AlcarDM> You see a ruined, charred face and hands .. the rest is hidden by a tattered grey cloak but the burning is horrible enough. You can see bone barely covered in burnt skin and the teeth are visible through the skin over them. Some of the skin is jarringly new, the rest scarred and half melted. It has no nose and you can't see any ears or hair on it. The calm, brown eyes look almost appallingly normal in that face.
<Maranda`-`> (now there is a cha score thats all personality!)

<Chaos`^> We can block it with a chair... the door that is...
<Chaos`^> That should hold him for our lifespans...
<Chaos`^> Well.. considering all the pc's are imortal... nevermind...
<Alcar> Considering that the elven race was destrotyed closing the last door :p
<Alcar> this one is smaller, at least.
<Alcar> destroyed, even
<Chaos`^> I like Destrotyed better.. it sounds like they were tied up, like cowboys and indians...

<Aaowen> 1d20+7 disguise
<TheDice> Aaowen, 1d20+7: 18 disguise
<Dungeon_Master_M> Dalendaryn, Amandis Roll Spot
<Amandis> d20+6 -Spot
<TheDice> Amandis, d20+6: 18 -Spot
<Dalendaryn> 1d20+5 spot
<TheDice> Dalendaryn, 1d20+5: 18 spot
<Dalendaryn> ....

*** Keideth has joined #d&d
<Keideth> lol
<Keideth> this many pppl play d&d?
*** Keideth has left #d&d

<Amandis> "We can find out." *heads to the one opened tool shed*
* Amandis opens the dark, gloomy looking shed and turns the light on. "Sheesh, almost like they tried to make it to scare .... huh. Uhm ... were you in here?"
<Andrew`-> "No, why?" *looks at whatever Greg is looking at.*
* Amandis looks into the wheel barrow. "Well, someone removed the manure that was stinking the shed up, and it wasn't me."
<Andrew`-> "Kent, maybe."
<Andrew`-> (( it was the otyugh! :P ))
<Amandis> "Guess so.." *finds a tool box on a shelf.* "Wow, no dust in here either...."
<Andrew`-> (( it was a neat otyugh! :P ))

<Cassandra`-`> "I'm not realy sure any of us are realy free."
<Amandis> "I guess not. Kings look free, but if they don't do what people want, they get hung or something .... and people think they are, but can't leave their jobs even if they hate them.... like slaves. But .... they look down on them." Shakes his head "It's too confusing."
<Crypto45> Is this dungeons and dragons? I dont see any dice rolling... kind of weird that all you want to do is talk. or maybe its just regular role play i dont know because you wont really tell me stuff
<Amandis> "Being a slave was easier," softly.
<Cassandra`-`> (Its D&D but not all of the game is mindless killing.)

<Greg``> Meanwhile, Kent - having turned on the game boy for some fun, finds himelf stuck inside PacMan3000
<Kent```> lol
<Greg``> They're talking to a hologram :)
<Kent```> that'd be pretty funny ;)
<Greg``> You've basically found yourself in some odd version of pacman .. walls around you, and strange forms chasing you
<Kent```> wait, seriously?
<Greg``> Yup.
* Kent``` blinks at the DM too.

* Kent``` walks inside, looking around
<Greg``> Kent turns to a small pile of ashes. Kent is destroyed by the energy beam as it absorbs him. Kent becomes a plaid sweatshirt. In one reality, it just begins to glow light a lighbulb. In quite a few possiblilities, this session is really short since you all die
<Greg``> In this reality, nothing happens.
<Kent```> "Well, it seems pretty plain... Maybe it's really just a nice storage shed."
<Greg``> But it does so ominiously, as if something was biding it's time and waiting....

<Greg``> Kent - the door opens onto a grassy knoll somewhere on earth.
<Greg``> You hear a motorcade in the distance and people cheering.
<Kent```> (oh good lord)
<Andrew`-> (( It was really Kent! :P ))
<Greg``> « *grins evilly* »
<Kent```> ((I killed Kennedy! You bastards!))

<Kent```> "Well, I think I know where the room was, but that's another story. Uhm... It was a little grassy hill. There was a lot of cheering and stuff going on in the background."
<Andrew`-> "Was there a motorcade?"
<Kent```> "Maybe? I dunno."
<Andrew`-> "So.. I guess those doors lead to different times and places?"
<Kent```> "You're not suggesting that I was at Kennedy's assassination, are you?"
<Andrew`-> "Well yeah, I was, actually."

<Andrew`-> "Should we gag him or something so he cant pronounce the words?"
<Greg``> "Makes sense."
<Kent```> "Good idea."
* Andrew`- finds something to gag him with, and does so
<Greg``> The man is gagged and the DM wanders off to find an IQ test he can get so he can get players with a lower IQ, so the NPC could get away and come back stronger than ever in comic book fashion

<Greg``> Ok, the next door Kent finds is stuck.
<Greg``> it's a plain, metal door like you'd have on a storage shed.
<Andrew`-> (( does it have a logo of a man on it, and sign hanging from the knob that says "Out of Order"? :P ))
<Greg``> You're strong enough to open it if you want to, though.
<Kent```> would it be severely broken?
<Andrew`-> (( yeah, don't wanna open a Pandora's Box unless you can close it again really fast :) ))

<Andrew`-> "I donno, he just seems like the kind of guy who would, if he was at some disaster in tha past, immediately go stop it wihout thinking first."
<Greg``> "That can be a good thing..."
<Andrew`-> "Yeah, but its more of a good thing in the present. I mean, who knows what kind of reprocussions changing the past could have, even if it seems like for the good at the time? Why, psuhing someone out of the way of a car could cause you to never be born!" (( :P ))
<Greg``> Kent returns to find Greg and Andrew debating his mortality :)
<Greg``> "better to do something that not do somehting and know that evil happened because you didn't act when you were brought to that placve to act."
<Greg``> « Alcar: proving why time travel is the leading cause of ulcers :) »
<Andrew`-> (( "And then you'd have to pose as someone named for the type of underwear you have on, and have to try to set up your geeky father with your mother and play the guitar while your arm is disappearing! :P ))
<Andrew`-> "Well maybe so, but... augh, time travel sucks."

<ceiynt81> what about a orphane halfling raised by a group of monks who grows up and becomes a paladin of his chosen god
<Agent_Sarin> Nope, the monks would kill the halfling for being short.
<metallicshadow> you live in an absolute world, eh Agent_Sarin?
<Agent_Sarin> heh, just joking

* Tech-Sensei looks at the sword and fist errata
<Tech-Sensei> this is freaking insane!
<Tech-Sensei> they just totally UNDID everything sword and fist gave you!
<Tech-Sensei> bladed gauntlets are now an absolute pussy weapon.
<Tech-Sensei> mercurial greatsword is knocked down to 2d6....
<Tech-Sensei> if there's THIS much errata
<Tech-Sensei> they should recall the book

<Xemit> (yes i'm selling grassblades potato soup to the gods and thats an untapped market)

<Myrth> i take it that this isn't a nice god
<Ashi> there are nice gods?
<Myrth> hmm
<Myrth> that answers that

<Julie-Ann> (( Play-dough.. god's puddy for forming the world))

<Myrth> "So your semi-immortal and i'm not alive. We could write a book."

<Ashi> the gnome ignores Myrth and goes back t discussing if Eldis' strange notion that time wore pants is actually feasable and, if so, what colour they were.

<Myrth> "Xemit, how long are we here fore?"
<Xemit`> "Untill I leave"

<Caltak> Zach isn;t psycho! He's just the bastard child of a goddess raping a celestial, who has a short-tempered and chronically procrastinating all-powerful sword, and is under a geas-like spell that keeps him from being in his true form! I mean cmon, he's as normal as they come :P

<Xemit`> "So how do we become legends? and what exactly do we need our legends to be?"
<Xemit`> "There is always releasing the Tarrasque but i think thats the rong type of legend."

<Greg``> He continues going to the washroom, nervously. After he's done, he sighs with relief, then blinks. "Oh, no.." in a high, queer voice. His eyes seem to change colour for a moment, becoming a bright gold.
* Andrew`- blinks. "What the hell was that?"
<Greg``> The man begins standing, opening his mouth perhaps to scream, and vanishes.
<Greg``> The head remains, tied to the rope, and splashes into the toilet as the body dissappears.
* Andrew`- blinks, and drops the rope, and just stares at where he was a couple seconds
<Greg``> The rope is fine and the wound seems to have cauterized instantly, leaving no blood at all.
* Andrew`- looks down at the rope, and back at the head in the toilet, and just walks out of the bathroom

<Andrew`-> "This island is... weird."
<Greg``> Kelly: "What do you mean, weird?" warily.
<Andrew`-> "Well, for starters, something keeps stopping us from leaving. Weird men in trenchcoats keep sneaking on and trying to steal blood samples while we sleep, our friend Kent had a doppleganger for a bit, theres a pile of manuer that moves when we aren't looking, and one shed has a door that leads to the planet Mercury. That sort of weird."
<Greg``> Kelly stares at you for a long moment, then realises you aren't joking. "That's not any sort of weird I ever heard of."

<Chaos`^> (( yeah it is... think about those kid shows with all that wierd stuff that happens... ))
<Andrew`-> "yeah, the X-Files writers wish they could come up with the sort of stuff that happens here."
<Greg``> « Kelly doesn't watch. I rots the mind :p »
<Chaos`^> (( you rots the mind? Yeah, I think you do ))
<Andrew`-> (( I'd have to agree ))
<Greg``> « It :p »
<Chaos`^> (( oh.. well, I still think you rot the mind... ))

<Greg``> Kelly: "Why? What do you do?" warily
<Kent```> "Well, my powers aren't much. I can inherit big island paradises which are trying to kill us, and get a good tan." *grins*
<Greg``> Kelly .oO(Besides set my heart aflutter) j/k
<Kent```> ((rofl. this is too funny ;))
<Andrew`-> (( I'm gonna kill you, DM! Right after I kill Kent``` :P ))

<Greg``> Mrs Wilson: "Well, yes, but ..... he's not human..."
<Andrew`-> (( bah, whats so great about humans, anyway? :P ))
<Kent```> ((numbers, mostly))
<Andrew`-> (( I can fix that :P ))

* Kent``` speaks in a voice which can only be described as two cats talking about the Enron scandal
<Greg``> A reply comes in a voice sounding like 3 french hens and 2 turtle doves molesting a partridge in a pear tree
<Andrew`-> (( ooo, nxt time talk like Britney Spears and a walrus caught in a blender. :P Just because the idea of Brittney Spears getting chopped up by a blender is cool :P ))

<Greg``> Mrs Wilson: "Now, Andrew .. what makes you think you'd make a good boyfriend for kelly?"
<Greg``> Kelly (horrified): "MOM!"
<Billy`Jean> (( he can lick himself where no mortal human can!! ))
<Andrew`-> (( yeah! hey wait... why do I need a girlfriend, then? :P j/k ))

<Tech-Away> hey Patrick^!
<Tech-Away> wtf happened to your game???
<Tech-Away> i was there on time, NOBODY else showed up!!!!
<Tech-Away> including you!
<Patrick^> let me put it this way
<Patrick^> social life!
<Tech-Away> uh huh
<Tech-Away> your credibility as a DM just droped to 5%

<Alben`^> "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself... I'm Alben." *as if that explains everything*
<Hugh`-> (( "Like the Chipmunk?" :P ))
<Alben`^> (( That's alven =p ))
<Hugh`-> (( I know, I'm just saying :) ))
<Baliadoc> ((well, they might think you have a cold... ;))
<Alben`^> (( Vampires don't get colds ))
<Hugh`-> (( they get sunburn :P ))

<Alben`^> "I'm an all or none sort of guy. All vampires are evil."
<AlcarGM> Kris blinks, then says quietly "We're alive because they all aren't."
<Hugh`-> "Oh, I see. I generally try to stay away from being prejudiced like that."
<Alben`^> "I owuld know.. I used to be one.. Yeah.. Sooner or later they will become evil, if not now, then later..."
<Baliadoc> ((it really doesn't net as much xp as it would in D&D, being a killing machine))
<Hugh`-> (( yeah, its those vending machines that get the real xp :) ))
<Baliadoc> ((the DM gives me 5. What the hell is that!? oh wait, this is a different system? well, I still have problems with 5.))
<Alben`^> (( yeah, more like 500 right? =p ))

<Alcar> The world is falling apart. Buildings crumble. Even the newest, shinyest skyscraper exudes the stentch of corruption and payoofs. A comproised architects broken dreams and the soundless screams of a thousand office workers contemplating suicide merge into a canvass of sorrow.
<Alcar> Governments are a sham. Laws are so burdensome that everyone is a crimminal. Hatred and intolerance spill into the streets. The rich get richer and the poor get debased. The poor get poorer and mroe desperate. The environment is deteriorating. Food supplies are dwindling. The lights are going out.
<Alcar> That's the decay theme for running a UA campaign :)
<Caltak> wow, its so realistic, too :)
<Chaos`^> and that's depressing
<Alcar> Realism is always depressing :P
<Caltak> yeah :)
<Caltak> why the hell do you think we rp all the time? :P

<Maranda`-`> (i searched for Cthulhu on the net.. and found Cthulhu toys)

<AlcarDM> Allegra: "Look, we're not the Empire anymore. I don't *want* to lead you, like I did..."
* Maranda`-` waits for there reaction
<AlcarDM> Trooper1 thinks for a moment, then raises his blaster and aims it at Allegra "That is treason."
* Maranda`-` places her self between the trooper and Allegra
<Maranda`-`> "And ruining another one of my dresses is suiside."

<Maranda`-`> "Oh the can help out with the rebuilding, thats not a problem. and I think they got some space of there own as is, just need to know about the rest of them..."
<AlcarDM> Mayor: "Rest of which?" warily
<Maranda`-`> "well you see... the troopers.. well they can't exactly go home any more, and there leader doesn't want to concure the world... so... there looking at just becoming well, errr.. I can't explain it to well but they gave up the idea of concuring the world and are looking to settle down."

<AlcarDM> A storm trooper currently by the inn looks over "Someone needs gems?"
<Allynor> "Why, yes. Do you happen to know where some are?"
<AlcarDM> The storm trooper nods to Allynor "We use some to power up food processors. We actually have too many of them."
<Allynor> "I can only assume mining must be easier with the things you possess. How much would you sell some for?"
<AlcarDM> Storm trooper: "Sell them? Heck, we can give them away if you want."
<Rene`-> (( sweet :) ))
* Allynor if he could grimace for the economy, he would

<Mors`^> (( Ooh I wodner if I can get storm trooper followers lol ))
<Allynor> ((they're bound to die anyway, so you probably can :))
<Mors`^> (( I still need to find a cohort.. ))
<Allynor> ((your wife doesn't count? :))
<Rene`-> (( oo me me me! :P ))
<Mors`^> (( No, I already asked =( ))

<Mors`^> "I let you think for yourselves alot, but we'll start slow, since you don't do it alot.. Then we'll work our way up.. anyway, if you sell some of the other extra gems you have, and get some supplies, I'll come and get you when we're ready to leave..."
<Allynor> "I'm sure this is detrimental to my friends, but I believe that's a prime example of not thinking for yourself."

<AlcarDM> - End of Session - EXP: 5200 each
<Mors`^> I'm sorry alcar, but you can't end the session...
<AlcarDM> I can't?
<Mors`^> If you end the session that means I have to get more followers... cause I'll gain alevel

<AlcarDM> He stops smiling and stares at you for a too-long moment. When he speaks next, his voice is rougher. "Move on, then. You - you don't want to find her, now."
<Gabriel``> "I'm well aware of the tales that preceed this place, and what those who brought her here are capable of doing to people. I want to find her."
<AlcarDM> He shakes his head. "No, you don't. Just walk away. Forget her. Forget this place."
<Gabriel``> "I don't make trips to places people shouldn't go simply to leave them."
<AlcarDM> The man smiles faintly at that, but it doesn't reach his eyes which have become empty and cold, filled with nothing but death. "Go. If you value your sanity, or hers, leave. The first thing they take is memory, then your name, then honour, dignity, respect ..... someone here might look like this girl, but it won't be her."

<Brea> that reminds me of a time when someone was doing speak with dead
<Brea> "did you die of natural causes?"
<Brea> "yes"
<Brea> "can you tell me how you died?"
<Brea> "yes"
<Brea> end of interview, hehehe
<Brea> later we found out that he'd been thrown off a cliff, so *naturally*, he died
<Brea> and yes, he *could* tell us how he died
<Brea> funny on hindsight, but very frustrating

<AlcarDM> A voice from the shadows whispers mysteriously "How long does Gabriel's player have?" in eldrich tones with a hint of maniacal laughter behind them.
<AlcarDM> The voice in the shadows whispers dark words, about bonus experience and answers found to questions.
<Gabriel``> ((lol, it is gettin' kinda late, but i can continue on, if you want. if not, we can break it into a second chunk. might make more sense))
<AlcarDM> « Yeah, makes more sense :) »

<ArtQ-AFK> god damned its so dead
<Alcar> yep
<ArthurQ> if i cast turn undead i wonder how many people would disconncect

* Gabriel`` made some dumb mistakes with Mother. Is in uber-alertness mode right now :)
<MechaBlue> That's a euphamism for paranoia mode?
<MechaBlue> It's only a real problem if you have a pump action (or faster reloading) weapon that discharges explosive rounds
<MechaBlue> Heroes Unlimited tends go badly because of that
<MechaBlue> Semi-automatic belt fed shotgun with fragmentation rounds
<Gabriel``> ah, paladium :)
<MechaBlue> "Well, you got the terrorists. Unfortunately, you got the hostage too. And about 30 innocent bystanders, including two cops."

<Caltak> (( Coincidence? Na, this is Alcar DMing :) ))
<AlcarDM> « actually it is coincidence :p »
<Caltak> (( aww thats no fun :P ))
<Gabriel``> ((actually, everything is coincidence with Alcar. It's afterwards that he desperately finds a way to make it mean something ;))
<AlcarDM> « I think it was my subconscious dming :) Forgot about the ring until bali typing the starfire comment :) »
<Caltak> (( yeah, thats true :) ))

<SnailSlug> We are the Borg. Lower your shield and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.
* Alcar surrenders the Windows OS to the Borg and watches them all fry as their brains overload on Solitaire.
<ArthurQ> ya know
<ArthurQ> i wonder would would happen
<ArthurQ> If the borg did assimilate Microsft
<Alcar> MS would sue the borg for copyright infringement and the borg would be broken up by the federation as a monopoly.

<Chaos`^> Dieterette is the only woman on the floor... the only other woman is on the stage... and she is currently removing her shirt...
* dieterette stares
* Querdie stares.
<dieterette> "Querdie, that woman is undressing in public!"
* Querdie stares some more just to be sure.

<Chaos`^> She throws her shirt at querdie, but several other men dive for it
* Querdie brandishes his wand of fireballs at them.
<Querdie> Back fools! Do not encroach upon the space of Querdie the Powerful!
<Chaos`^> Querdie finds himself on the ground.. men are leaving him with torn pieces of shirt
* Urt tries to protect Querdie and draws his axe.
<Sparkie> Urt d20-4: 4 -intimidate
<Urt> Stupid charisma based skills :p
<dieterette> yeah, that is retarded.
* Urt is an ugly, eyeless creature with a big axe and a lampshade on his head. That should intimidate! :p

* dieterette eyes the table to see if it is sufficiently penitant for her to be willing to reattach its leg.
<dieterette> ((how penitant does the table seem?))
<Chaos`^> It doesn't have a motive persay.. it just wants to set there...
<dieterette> does it want its leg back?
<Chaos`^> It doesn't really care... but you don't know too much about table psycology.. so you really can't tell

<dieterette> ((is this our new npc?))
<Chaos`^> (( damn straight.. I'm trying to get querdie hooked up lol =p If I keep producing women maybe he'll get the clue ))
<Querdie> (( I dunno, man, he IS a wizard ))
<Querdie> (( maybe if someone drew an arcane diagram or something ;b ))
<Urt> « his next Spellbook comes with a centerfold... »
<Chaos`^> ( I'm tempted ))

<Keith`> i'm looking to start at like 5-6PST (8-9est)
<Alcar> Works for me.
<Chaos`^> that's good
<Baliadoc> oh wait... nm. do whatever day is good for you guys!! i totally forgot my new night class on wednesdays *sigh*
<Baliadoc> good lord, it's a good thing you said 6 o'clock, or i would've forgotten all about it.
<Keith`> oh bummer
* Keith` was looking forword to harming doc in the ffrpg

<Alcar> make an rpg with 2 stats "Important" and "Miscellaneous"
<aslhk> I think that's a bit *too* abstract

<Alben`^> "What happened?"
<Hugh`-> "As far as what?"
<Alben`^> "The hospital. Do you know anything about it?"
<Hugh`-> "oh, that. The power went out."
<Alben`^> "Permenantly?"
<AlcarGM> Kris: "Dunno. You'd have to ask the cat."

<AlcarGM> Kris: "Uhm, that's a good hour walk or so, I bet. Can you get the cat to bring it here?"
<Hugh`-> "I'm fairly sure it doesn't know how to drive."
<AlcarGM> Kris chuckles. "If it can get rid of the power at a hospital and heal a cancer patient, I bet it could figure it out..."
<Hugh`-> "Yes, but after hitting a few things, and then maybe deciding he should make it grow wings and fly here."

<Anansy> i have a wizard who believes he's dirty harry
<Anansy> "I know what you're thinking... 'Did he cast five magic missiles or only four?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I have lost track of it myself..."
<Anansy> "But being that this is a 7th level caster, capable of dealing 20 hit points of damage, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself 'Do I feel lucky?'"
<Anansy> "Well do ya? PUNK????"

<Anansy> DC 5: reach orgasm with visual aids
<Anansy> DC 10: reach orgasm through bad phone sex
<Anansy> DC 15: reach orgasm while solving a system of equations in your head
<Anansy> DC 25: reach orgasm while at the same time thinking of your kindergarten teacher

<Warner> ((well I gotta go do some homework. Next time a open game is starting give me a page. It's been so long I'm in danger of getting a life))

<Wynden_Guile> I used to play 'Go Fish' but was caught cheating so I started playing D&D

<Wynden_Guile> I was witnessing an arguement over the power of 'Wish' before when my friend Monty (-con) asked Chuck (+pro and butt of many jokes) what he'd 'Wish' in an Elder Dragons presence. He said - I wish the dragon were dead. and *poof* a flash of smoke and Chuck was a year older w/ a pissed Dracolich sitting in front of him! lol

<HyperactiveBuff> I like the first wish I gave as a dm...
<HyperactiveBuff> the player actually fell for the classic 'I want to raise all my stats' wish.
<HyperactiveBuff> you have to love a genie... 'you want me to raze all your stats?' 'yes, I want you to raise all my stats!' 'okay, here it goes, I am going to raze all your stats...'
<HyperactiveBuff> suddenly, 5s across the board!

<Spaceman^Spiff> well damn
<Spaceman^Spiff> so what am i supposed to do
<Spaceman^Spiff> sit in #d&d all night with the rest of the losers?
<Xaphan> I resemble that remark.

* Kandi`^ orders their strongest liquer
<AlcarDM> The waitress looks a bit surprised, then brings you RL, a specially frrmented drink designed to drive people insane. :) 300% proof, too.
* Kandi`^ figures a little sanity never killed anyone... and drinks it..
* _Annie_ you start to hear the song " pink elephants on parade"
<AlcarDM> Fort save or Kandi is forced to change nicks to chaos and the session ends due to relaity paradox! Or not :p

* Kandi`^ sighs and looks at her watch "I wonder what the in-flight movie is."
<AlcarDM> « Slaughter house 8 »
<Kandi`^> "I think there's a horor movie on... It's just your style"
* Kandi`^ looks at the reaper "Maybe you can learn something."
<AlcarDM> The reaper looks at you carefully, but says nothing
<AlcarDM> « now, if the movie had been scream and you'd have said that, he'd have had to kill you on principle :) »

<Metkin> "The only thing that should be sticking up for Ana is her tombstone." Don't you see how that's a vulgar thing to say?

<Warner> But DiceBot's code is public. you can scrutinize it all ya like :)
* Warner pets his little bot in a proud fatherly manner
<Warner> Your my little Silicon Golem arn't you? Yes you are. Yes you are!
<Chaos`^> reminds me of someone talking to their dog... someone I know... and that's sad..

<Alcar> The female ninja wears white, because black clashes with her hair. :p
<Alcar> that would be a fun pc...
<Alcar> "Oh, I can't kill her, she's wearing that horrible red dress..."
<Chaos`^> gay killer? or rather, flaming gay
<Alcar> no, just a fashionable ninja :)
<Alcar> "If you wish for the Dark Ninja to not kill you, always wear ugly clothing."
<Warner> So if the Dark Ninja fails to kill me I should take it as a fasion insult?
<Alcar> among nobility it could be brutal :)
<Alcar> You'd have fashion designers throwing people at you to get their styles murderered :p

* Gabriel``` isn't paying attention to Zacharel... until rations explode, that is.

* Zacharel blinks, and pick himself up, ringing out his clothes a littlem as his injuries heal. "Anyone dead?"
<Gabriel```> "You may be, if I can remove my arm from this tree."

* Xemit checks to make sure he isn't going to bleed to death in the night

<Myrth> "Lets just ignore us and keep going"

<Ashi> "The swamp is never this .... nice ... to travellers, though. None of us died."
<Ashi> "Not that that's a bad thing, mind you..."
<Gabriel```> "Maybe it was in an odd mood."
<Myrth> "Hey, i resemble that remark"
<Xemit> "None of us mannaged to die while entering it, wouldn't it stand to reson we would servive coming out again... althought..."